Sahartifacts

This Is Why I Love You: Part 2

2012-02-14T09:13:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, I posted some infographic valentines I made. Here are the rest.

Happy Valentine's Day!

This Is Why I Love You: Part One

2012-02-13T08:37:00.000-08:00

This year I decided to make infographic valentines for some of my favorite people because if you have the chance to quantify your feelings, why not take it! I'm sure I left some people out, so I apologize in advance.

Basically, these are thank you notes for the privilege of being your friend.

Click on the images to enlarge them.

I'll put the rest of them up tomorrow.

We Drew January: Part Three

2012-02-02T07:01:00.000-08:00

Here, my lovelies, is the last installment of my favorites from our WeDrawJanuary project. Just like with the past two entries, I am just picking my favorites for each day (and none of my own), so I implore you to check out the rest of them at your leisure.

January 21st Mechanized

by Rachel

January 22nd Year of the Dragon

by Rachel

by Becky

January 23rd Home

by Stacy

by Marissa

January 24th Wonder

by Rachel

January 25th Knock Knock

by Rachel

by Becky

by Marissa

January 26th Adventure

by Becky

January 27th Calamity

by Rachel

by Marissa

January 28th Frost

by Rachel

January 29th Cycle

by Marissa

January 30th Hive Minded

by Becky

by Marissa

January 31st Mother Father

by Marissa

by Becky

Rachel and I are planning on organizing similar (but slightly more cerebral and complex) project in March. Let me know if you'd like to join us.

We Drew January: Part Two

2012-02-01T09:19:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, I wrote about WeDrawJanuary, a month long art project that my lovely friend Rachel and I put together. Here are ten more days of my favorite picks.

January 11th Gravity

by Denise "Low Riders Defy Gravity" Guzman

by Jaimie

January 12th Surround

by Stacy

by Rachel

by Michelle

Bonus: Rebecca Attempting to Catch Up!

January 13 Spartan

by Michelle

January 14th Periphery

by Becky

January 15th Rag Doll

by Becky

by Stacy

January 16th Chicken or Egg

by Jess

January 17th Junk

by Vanessa "Space Junk" Holfeltz

January 18th Yes

by Marissa

by Michelle

January 19th Mammal

by Becky

by Rachel

by Michelle

January 20th Guilty Pleasure

by Becky

I hope you are enjoying these pictures. I'll put up the rest of my favorites tomorrow!

We Drew January : Part One

2012-01-31T19:16:00.000-08:00

Late last year my dear friend Rachel decided that she wanted to start some sort of creative project involving her friends. She asked me to help her out and I obliged. What we came up with was WeDrawJanuary, a tumblr where people would upload a piece of original artwork corresponding to a daily prompt. I really was expecting a whole bunch of crap, but I ended up being really impressed by what people made. Over the next few days, I'll share some of my favorite pieces. I'm not going to include any of my own because that is tacky. If you want to see my stuff, just scroll through our tumblr! Also, this dude Brandon who I've never met made a bunch of sound art, but I don't know how to put it up here, so please look at the tumblr!

January 1st Hung Over

by Denise

January 2nd Octogenarian

by Jaimie

by Michelle

January 3rd Rock, Paper, Scissors

by Jaimie

by Alice

January 4th Ice

by Jaimie

by Michelle

January 5th Twerp

by Rachel

by Alice

January 6th Industry

by Becky

January 7th Slovenly

by Marissa

January 8th Liquid

by Liz

by Jennie

by Al

January 9th Fetch

by Al

by Liz

January 10th Anticipation

by Marissa

by Rachel

I'll put up part two of We Draw January tomorrow.

I Got You Covered

2012-01-05T18:04:00.000-08:00

I love cover songs, sometimes even more than the original and not just because I am a contrarian. I've even shared some amazing covers on this blog. Part of what makes a cover song a treat is that it is not only comfortable because you already know the song, but if done well it adds some life to it. And isn't that all we want from life? Something we are comfortable with just some extra pizzaz?

As I type this up I am listening to the Bird and the Bee's album consisting exclusively of Hall and Oates covers. Below I have compiled a list of my favorite cover songs. I didn't include any Tori Amos or Cat Power or Nouvelle Vague because they have just have too many.

Them "It's All Over Now Baby Blue" (originally by Bob Dylan)

Remember in 1999 when everyone was starting to notice Angelina Jolie and she was doing crazy stuff like making out with her brother at the Oscars in a fountain? She was in this underrated movie Girl, Interrupted that has an amazing soundtrack of some '60s classics and a couple Wilco tracks (for some reason). My favorite track was Them's version of "It's All Over Now Baby Blue." It seemed so familiar to me because Beck totally sampled it for "Jackass."

I think that Bob Dylan's songs lend themselves to being covered because he wrote some great songs, but he sang them like a jangly-old lady suffering from chronic bronchitis. Van Morrison has the pipes to do this song justice.

James Blake "A Case Of You" (originally by Joni Mitchell)

I am going to share two embarrassing things now:

I haven't really listened to Joni Mitchell, so this is my first taste of this song. Hey, my parents were born in the 1960s. We weren't listening to old LPs in our house. We were listening to Stop Making Sense (in compact disc form) and the Counting Crows (who are responsible for the very worse Joni Mitchell cover of all time).
I learned about this song from this dorky family show called Parenthood that is about how hard it is to raise children as upper-middle class white people living in Northern California. They played this song during a montage where everyone was crying and I've been listening to it pretty much daily since then.

It took me about a year to realize that Blake's most famous song "Limit To Your Love" is actually a cover of Feist. I mostly didn't know this because I don't care about Feist. She is one of those interchangeable singer-songwriters with bangs.

If you want to hear another femmey dude covering a lady song, here is Bon Iver singing "I Can't Make You Me."

Fiona Apple "Across the Universe" (originally by the Beatles)

This might be controversial to lameos who deify classic rockstars and believe that the 1960s were the most bitching time in history, but I prefer this version to the original. I think Fiona also did a better job with this creepy-ass Elvis Costello song. I love her and I think she should be more famous and respected than she is.

M. Ward "Let's Dance" (originally by David Bowie)

M. Ward is the better half of She & Him, a band that is no stranger to cover songs. I am not one of those hipsters who pretend to dislike Zooey Deschanel because she is a hipster. I am sure that most of the people who hate on her hate on her because they are jealous of her life (because she gets paid $92K a month to be "adorkable" [okay, that word is just gross, but I doubt it was her idea]) and her hair (her hair is so goshdarnpretty). Anyway, I love this version because it is slow enough for you to realize how beautiful the lyrics are. You don't get that in Bowie's original because you are too busy shaking your butt.

Tatu "How Soon Is Now" (originally by the Smiths)

Here are three personal facts about me concerning this song:

Once during 10th grade, I decide to stop liking my friend for the day because she referred to this song as, "the theme song from Charmed."
This is my second least favorite Smiths' song. My least favorite song by the Smiths is that one from Meat Is Murder with all those cow noises.
My sister and I used to drive around in her car and listen to Tatu and pretend like they are tiny mice singing. Try it. It makes listening that much more hilarious and adorable. Also, I am more impressed by singing mice than Russians who are paid to pretend to be underage lesbians.

David Byrne "I Want to Dance with Somebody" (originally by Whitney Houston)

The day that Pandora alerted me to the existence of this song was one of the best days of my life and not just because my life has been largely uneventful.

New Years Resolutions For Other People

2012-01-02T09:14:00.000-08:00

Today is the second day of 2012. This might be the last year ever if the Mayans are more accurate than this guy. We should try to improve ourselves and make the most of the little time we have left on this planet. I am compiling my resolutions for the New Year today in preparation for tomorrow's Do-It Club and since I am a judgey stick-in-the-mud, I've decided to take it upon myself to write some new years resolutions for other people.

People in My Yoga Classes
Purchase and wear more substantial pants. Too many of you are wearing sheer approximations of leggings and diminutive booty shorts. I do yoga without my glasses and am pretty much blind, but I still feel like an amateur gynecologist at Yoga to the People. While I have your attention, chill out on the rhythmic breathing. You sound like a punch of pigeons having a painful orgasm.

Mean Middle School Kids from that Charter School in Greenpoint
Stop running amok in droves and yelling at people. You are making everyone over 22 nervous and our eyes are becoming strained from rolling them in your direction. You can keep yelling "blow job" randomly because it is sort of funny.

Those Uncomfortable with Modern Communication
Start retiring voicemail as a means of communication. It is incredibly inefficient and I am more likely to respond to a text because I won't put off reading it for three weeks like I do with all of my voicemails.

Sketchy Tunnel Connecting the 6th Avenue L/F/M stop and the 14th Street 1/2/3 trains
Work on smelling less like a rickety old crackpot filled to the brim with poop, hobo sweat, and garbage.

My Friends and Family Who Don't Live Near Me
Move to wherever I am whenever I move. I love you too much for you to be so far away all the time. I will reward you with hugs and homemade lentil-based meals.

New Website

2011-12-14T13:53:00.000-08:00

Hello the internet,

In case you were wondering what I have been doing with my life since I decided not to move to Hong Kong three months ago (yes, I was thinking about moving to Hong Kong), mostly, I have been sitting around eating salad and doing yoga. When I wasn't partaking in those mesmerizing activities, I was updating and improving my portofolio site. So, I present to you, sweet internet, the new and improved saharbaharloo.com.

When you visit saharbaharloo.com, you'll see amazing masterpieces like this Oregon themed wedding invitation:

And a lizard playing the mandolin. I sliced a sizable chunk of my thumb making it.

Trash-ures

2011-11-02T15:41:00.000-07:00

I love finding treasures in the trash. Sometimes I find one of those awesome Tibor Kalman MoMA umbrellas and other times, I find an unopened box of aluminum foil! A part of why I like to "shop" in the trash is because I am cheap. Mostly, however, I enjoy found, scrounged, and thrifted objects because I can have cool, unique objects without actually having to pay much (or any) money. There is nothing worse than going to a cafe halfway across the world to find they are using the same Ikea cushions that you have on your couch at home. Okay, actually, there are literally several billion things worse than that, but you get the general idea.

My main inspirations for snatching up things I find in the trash are my parents. My dad, Mort might own several tuxedos and live in Houston's weirdest mansion, but many of his favorite art pieces have been literally pulled out of dumpsters. I am using the term "art piece" very generously here, but when you take a child-sized, filthy Barbie doll with a shaved head from the garbage and then accessorize her with a pith helmet and purse with a baby alligator sewn upon it, you have made a piece of art. Oh, he also found a Barbie a "husband" in the trash in the form of a particle board cutout of a CGI-ed teenager wearing sunglasses.

My mother used to flip houses and would often have to go to the dump. When she would go to the dump, she would often bring stuff back with her. Once she brought back a ceramic sink and installed it into one of her houses, so if you bought a formerly foreclosed house in Sugarland, Texas in the late 1990s, it might have a dump sink in it. She once brought me back a lime green 1970s shag carpet. Then she realized what she had just done and promptly took it back to the dump. I love my mom for that. She can try to find potential in a discarded shag carpet.

When I was 18, I left home to attend Reed College in Portland, Oregon and there, I was exposed to many new things like tempeh, alternative strippers, and dumpster diving. One evening during my first semester, I was lying belly down on our dorm couch reading Herodotus or something, when my friend Punk Justin threw a loaf of bread at my head. I was like, "Dude!" And he was like, "Hey! I'm trying to share! It's from a dumpster!" He was always trying to shock me because somehow I was the most conservative person he knew at the time. He was the first person (but strangely not the last) to call me a speciesist and he was always running around naked.

I met many colorful characters during my time at Reed. There was an abundance of hippies there always declaring things "commie" or "communal," which was their way of saying, "You have to let me eat that leftover hummus." There is even a whole area of the dining hall at Reed reserved for the Scroungers, called the Scrounge. The Scroungers are a group of students who didn't buy a meal plan and would eat everyone's left overs. The Scrounge even had their own column in Reed's always disappointing newspaper, The Quest. I think that someone even made Scrounger Trading Cards one year. Most of the Scroungers were grateful and polite. They would always get excited when I brought them my half-eaten taco salad shell. Some were bitchy and rude if you brought something not to their liking and you sort of wanted to retort, "Dude. You are literally eating garbage. Shut your mouth." If there was a lot of an item left at the Scrounge uneaten you knew to avoid it because it was gross. Also, the Scrounge were the main cause of the spreading of colds.

Anyway, enough of this preamble, want to see some stuff I have that came from the trash? Yeah you do!

The Trash: The World's Cheapest and Least Exclusive Gallery!

I like the idea of living in a place decorated with original art work, but at this point in my life my main source for these pieces is the garbage. Luckily, I have lived and continue to live with people who are cool with displaying trash paintings.

These two paintings were found around our neighborhood in Brooklyn. I found the one on the right walking back from yoga once day. I wasn't sure if I really wanted it when a 50-something man with a ponytail sporting a beret, walked by me with his thumbs up, wisely nodded and said, "Take it!" I took that as a sign. The one on the right, my old roomie Mike found somewhere. We put it up upside down because it looked less stupid that way.

This painting is actually really well done. Sorry the photo I took of it sucks. It is on top of the closet door and I couldn't reach it. Mike found it on a seat of a bicycle. How nauseatingly twee is that?

This next painting I found in the trash area in our building. Catherine, one of my roommates, said it looked like a girl trying to look like Shaggy from Scooby-Doo. I think it looks like an emo kid so into Yokio Mishima or anime or whatever that s/he decided to commit suicide by getting engulfed by a The Great Wave off Kanagawa.

You might notice, as I did, that many of these trash paintings feature the same terrible shade of midnight blue. My theory that that is the blue that just comes out of the tube. Using the blue straight out of the tube is the best way to tell if a painter really knows his or her craft.

Okay, I want you to prepare yourselves and mentally ready yourselves to be exposed to the world's very best trash painting!

Are you ready????

Here it is!

This lovely damsel was given to me for my 24th birthday when I was still living in Portland. My dear friend Sam found it in a pile of really pathetic landscapes in someone's yard. This is one of my all time favorite gifts I have ever received in my entire life. Look at those demure, yet large nipples! The amorphous blobs for hands! The weird train/tail thingy! And the stars! Oh the stars! We were nervous bringing it into the house initially since the cats were obsessed with it and that is rarely a good sign.

The Trash: Sometimes You Find Shoes Your Size in It!

Sometimes people are weird about thrift-store clothes. My Iranian grandmother used to literally pray to Allah that I wouldn't get some weird disease from my thrift-store clothes. I should probably not tell her about the couple pairs of shoes I swiped from someone's trash while I was drunkenly staggering home from karaoke one night.

Everyone should own red cowboy boots at some part of his or her life. It's one of life's less talked about pleasures. And the following shoes are just so joyful and juvenile and I love them despite never actually having worn them.

Taking shoes from a stoop in Greenpoint, Brooklyn is not as bad as thing my friend Liz does on a regular basis. I once complimented her shirt. She told me that the week prior she was biking home and saw some pink thing in the gutter. She stopped to pick it up, decided it was her size, washed it and now wears it. So, yeah, some of her clothes are literally from the gutter.

The Trash: Your Stop For Affordable Home Furnishings!

Furniture is expensive and there is only so much CB2 you can persuade your parents to buy for you. So why not just start grabbing things from the garbage? I found my super cute night stand getting rained on by someone's recycling. I took it home and now it holds all my unread issues of Harpers and the Believer.

I found this pot in the garbage, where I should put that dying Christmas cactus. Yes. I somehow killed a cactus. Those other cacti look fine, though, right? I should not be allowed to have plants.

The following lamp is one of my prized possessions. When Eric left New York to go "find himself" or "take pictures of lichen" or whatever he was doing in Montana, he gave away most of his belongings. He told me to take this lamp because I like ugly things. It is one of the most lovely ugly things I have ever had the pleasure to look upon.

Tim's Lentil Mix Tape

2011-10-21T13:04:00.000-07:00

Apparently, about a year ago, I got drunk and started babbling. One of my favorite topics of conversation, both sober and intoxicated, is lentils. I fucking love lentils. They are by far my favorite legume. They are easy and quick to prepare, and nutrient rich! They also have a nice shape, not all awkward and oblong like, say, navy beans. Anyway, while I was babbling incoherently about lentils, I promised one of my top five friends, Tim, that I would make him a "lentil mix tape." And since Tim is obsessed with beans, I had no choice but to make good on my promise.

Here you go, Tim. Here is your lentil mix tape.

Track One: Lentil Soup

The best kind of soup is the kind you just make out of whatever. I love making soup because it is more about intuition and less about following a plan. That's my favorite kind of cooking.

The Minimum of What You'll Need:

a couple of cups of lentils
neutral oil or butter
6-8 cups of water (You could use stock, but the only stock I like (that doesn't feel all, for lack of a better word, plastic-y or like a chicken who is made out of aluminum) is stock I've made myself and that is rarely worth the effort)).
some garlic
like three carrots
some celery
a can of chopped tomatoes
a bayleaf
paprika
salt and pepper

Nice Things to Add If You Have It:

parsnips, turnips, etc
fresh parsley
kale
spinach
turmeric/cumin/etc if you want to make it more Middle Eastern-y
basil/oregano/dill if you want to make it more European-y

How To Make It

Chop up the onion and garlic and cook these guys up in the bottom of a large soup pot
When the onion and garlic starts getting aromatic, add chopped celery, carrots, salt and pepper and whatever powered spices you plan on using.
When the celery and carrots start to soften, add the lentils, bay leaf, dried or fresh herbs, and enough water to cover the mixture and more depending on how "brothy" you want it to be.
Now you just wait until until the lentils get soft. You inevitably will get impatient and take about 15 sporadic sips of soup during this period. This is when you will realize you didn't add enough salt in the beginning. So add some more salt.
When the lentils are almost perfectly soft, add the can of tomatoes (with the juice) and the softer veggies, like spinach.
When your spinach wilts, eat your goddammed soup! With a grilled cheese sandwich!

Track Two: Lentils with Rice and Caramelized Onions

I would like to claim that I made this up, but it is totally from Mark Bittman's How to Cook Everything. I make this so often that one of my roommates starts groaning when she sees me making it. It is a great dish to make when you are running out of money!

The Ingredients

two cups of lentils
one cup of long-grain basmati white rice
two onions
one tablespoon of cumin
half a head of garlic
salt and pepper

How To Make It

Chop up one of the onions and the garlic and cook them up in a medium sauce pan with a sturdy lid. When the veggies are aromatic, mix in the cumin and salt and pepper.
Mix in the lentils and add enough water to cover the lentils by an inch or so. Cover and let cook for about 45 minutes, until the lentils are soft.
When the lentils are soft, add the rice and pour in enough water to cover the mixture by an inch or so. Cover, reduce the heat to simmer, and wait for the rice to soften (about 20-30 minutes). If the rice is soft, but there is still a lot of liquid, that is okay. Just uncover and increase the heat and let the excess water evaporate.
While the rice and lentils are cooking, it is time to caramelize the onions. Caramelizing onions is magical! You take this harsh, tear inducing vegetable and with a little butter and heat, it becomes sweet like candy, but better! I wish there was onion-flavored candy … Anyway, put the elegantly sliced onions with butter or oil on medium heat and stir it enough that your fire alarm doesn't go off. When the onions are all brown (but not burned up!), put them on some paper towels to soak up the extra oil. You don't want to get heart disease!
I like to eat this with plain yogurt and the following salad: cucumber, onion, mint, tomatoes, lemon juice, salt, pepper, and olive oil all tossed together. Make this while the rice is cooking, so it has time to marinate. it is the sort of thing that tastes better over time.

Track Three: Vegetarian Shepherd's Pie

My mom, who is also obsessed with beans, made up this recipe on one of those Dutch winter days, when there is like three hours of sunlight and your feet are cold and you can't imagine a life where you could go outside while wearing shorts.

What You'll Need

a cup or two of lentils
butter
a handful of shallots
garlic
a couple of potatoes
one or two sweet potatoes
milk
sour cream
Gruyere cheese
salt and pepper

How To Make It

Preheat your oven to 350 and start boiling some lentils and the potatoes. You can just stab and microwave the sweet potatoes. It is a strangely satisfying to stab a sweet potato, so I suggest that route.
In a skillet or what-have-you, start cooking those shallots in butter until they are soft.
When the lentils are soft, throw them in with the shallots, stir it around, and salt and pepper it.
When the potatoes and sweet potatoes are cooked, mash them up together with sour cream, milk, salt, pepper and whatever you like to put in mashed potatoes.
Take a casserole dish and layer it with the lentil/shallot mixture at the bottom, the potato mixture in the middle, and top it off with a generous layer of shredded Gruyere.
Bake it until the cheese is golden and crispy and eat it with a green salad or vegetable so you can digest this thing properly.

Appealing Things.

2011-09-14T13:57:00.000-07:00

Things that People Seem to Enjoy that I Do Not Understand the Appeal of

Video Games
Sports
Burning Man
Camping
Family Guy
Cormac McCarthy
Tempeh
Paul Thomas Anderson
Grizzly Bear
Channing Tatum

Things That I Used To Not Understand the Appeal of and Then I Came Around Later in Life

Dogs and Cats
Yoga
Poetry
Vegetarianism
Clogs
New York City

What M Was Doing Instead Of Working

2011-09-14T13:52:00.000-07:00

M works for a fancy-ass branding firm and her boss just quit, so you think she'd have more actual work to do. Nope. This is what she's been doing. I don't know what she does on a day-to-day basis (other than talk to me on G-Chat about cute European boys), but I think this is a good use of her time.

Famous Guys Playing Pop Songs With Guitars

2011-09-08T14:23:00.000-07:00

John Darnielle Playing Ace of Base

Because he is singing this song with the same style and vigor as, like, this one, you might mistake lyrics like, "Life is demanding without understanding" as deep and meaningful. You might feel the urge to put it on your record player and wallow, staring at the ceiling, teenager style and writing the words over and over on the outside of your pre-calculus notebook.

Jeff Tweedy Playing the Black-eyed Peas

I love this video for many reasons, one being that he looks like he is going to crack up at any point. He is unpacking the ridiculousness of the song by just stating what the lyrics are. מזל טוב

Ted Leo Playing Kelly Clarkson

This is an oldie and I don't know if people care about Ted Leo anymore. You just need at least three things to make a list.

Why Texas Is the Best!

2011-09-05T16:44:00.000-07:00

It often surprises new friends and acquaintances to learn that I grew up in Texas. I don't have an accent because I intentionally lost it when I was twelve and my Seattle-based aunt made fun of me for saying "y'all." Despite growing up in Houston the most car heavy place in the entire galaxy, I never got my driver's license because I don't trust myself not to crash into shit and kill myself, or worse, someone else. Now that none of my immediate family lives in Texas anymore, I go down very rarely. I doubt I'll ever live there again and I am okay with that.

But you know what? I still think that Texas is the best fucking state in all of the United States and Canada. I don't care that Alaska and Ontario are bigger or that California has more people or that Oregon is actually the the most lovely and pleasant place I've ever lived, in my deepest lizard brain I believe Texas is the best.

Here are my reasons:

Best BBQ
Armadillos
The shape is the best in the US.
Every single person in the world has heard of Texas.
It has lots of money and a fantastic economy and an entrepreneurial spirit without being cut throat.
It used to be its own country and has so many flags.
It has the best flag currently! So good, that Chile copied it poorly.
It is very populous and diverse (and obese, so if you do not agree Texas is the best, we will sit on you until you suffocate).
When you are in space, you literally address Houston, TX. When you have a problem, you don't say "Pittsburg, we have a problem."
It has fire ants, which are the most bad-ass ants and water moccasins and alligators who will eat you because they are Texan and bad-ass.
Tex-Mex is a thing. Have you heard of an American regional cuisine that is this famous? No, you have not.
You can be deep in the heart of Texas, you can't be deep in the heart of like, Ohio. That would be lame.
You could wear cowboy boots there everyday and not look crazy. That is the sort of thing I value.

Yes, I know that nothing in my crazy list makes any sense or provides proof that Texas is the best. But why you love things and people has nothing to do with logic. Your mom is the best mom in the world because she is your mom, your friends are the best friends ever because they belong to you. You can use circular logic when you are talking about things and people you love. It's totally within your rights.

Bonus! Something Embarrassing!

Up until a few months ago, I believed that Texas was the size of the moon. When I mentioned this in a conversation about how Texas is the best state in the United States, my friends pointed out that this made no sense and asked where I got this information. I had and still have no idea. It was just something I believed to be true. Eric tried to find something pertaining to this on the internet and this was the closest thing he could find. He also made this animated gif.

If you are curious, the moon, in terms of surface area, is about the size of Africa. I asked someone who had recently completed her PhD in Geology from Oxford because this is the sort of shit I bring up when I am talking about smart people.

EXTREME! EXTREME! EXTREME!

2011-08-27T09:24:00.000-07:00

Hurricane Irene is scheduled to hit New York City sometime tomorrow. I have been freaking out about it like the anxious dork that I am. I have a flashlight, radio, extra batteries, two gallons of water, rubber boots, a vintage raincoat with whales on it, a bucket, a box of Cheez-Itz and like 10,000 Kashi granola bars. I should be fine. But it got me thinking about extreme weather and that got me thinking of extreme things.

EXTREME BALLADS!!!

I remember hearing this song as a small child and thinking that their name must be ironic.

EXTREME POODLES!!!

Yes, that poodle is supposed to be a peacock. There are so much more EXTREMELY depressing poodle follicle abuse here.

EXTREME EXISTENTIAL CRISIS DEEP IN THE EXTREMES OF THE AMAZON, THE MOST EXTREME PLACE ON EARTH!!! EXTREME!

I love how EXTREMELY German this man is.

EXTREME WEB DESIGN

This is so horrible that it is almost beautiful. I wonder what their site map looks like.

EXTREME CUTENESS

AWK. LOOKING AT THIS MAKES ME WANT TO DIE. In a good way!

MOUNTAIN DEW!!!

Using the qualifier, EXTREME, with Mountain Dew would be EXTREMELY redundant.

I'm Not a Comedian.

2011-08-11T17:23:00.000-07:00

A few months ago after my friends' comedy show, I met some nice comedians who didn't know me very well. They suggested I take a free improv class. I was like, "Yeah, that's never going to happen. Like. Ever."

Let me explain. I don't think there is anything inherently wrong with improv. Despite what I might have said in the past, I don't think improv is stupid or that all comedians are on the Autism Spectrum lurching around the UCB theater wearing baggy soiled black sweatpants. Some of my best friends are improvisers! Some of them are upstanding members of society even. But improv is something that I have no interest in for the following reasons:

1. I would be very bad at it.
Improv is hard. Most people aren't very good at it.

I am very shy and I have terrible stage fright. I've never been a performer. I've always been creative, but a I-am-going-to-make-things -in-my-bedroom-that-I-may-not-show-another-person-while-listening-to-the-entire-69-Love-Songs type of creative. In design, if I make something ugly or bad, I don't have to show it to anyone. I can trash it and start over. Improvisers don't have that luxury. Once you make it, it's out in the universe even if it sucks.

2. I have very high self-esteem.
Self-explanatory.

3. If I had the time to do improv, I'd be doing these things:

Learning to brew beer
painting a picture of a dinosaur (on my list of the goals for a the year)
the Sketchbook Project
updating this blog that you are reading right now
Taking a beginners German class
Getting through an entire Godspeed album
Trying to get through the first five pages of ffffffffffound.com
Figuring out if my printer being electrocuted is covered by its insurance policy
Cleaning the bathroom
Watching Jane Eyre with Michael Fassbender as Mr. Rodchester over and over while dramatically fanning myself.
Updating my portfolio site with better work.
Figuring out how to use webfonts
Finding a new cool bar/restaurant/cafe/store/desolate alley way in my neighborhood.
Washing my sheets/towels (which no one does enough. We are all disgusting).
Starting my Pretentious Book Club
Experimenting with watermelon in savory salads.
Reading anything from this series.
Flipping through the 15832 back issues of Harpers/Monocle/Wired that are littered around my bedroom.
Sleeping

Miniaturisations

2011-07-23T14:17:00.000-07:00

I love miniature things. I think most people do, even fancy people who have solo exhibitions at the Whitney, like Charles LeDray. I was fortunate enough to get to see that show last winter and I freaked the fuck out. I loved it so. If you are unfamiliar, here are some examples:

Overcoat, 2004

The whole thing is only about two feet high. The next images is a shot of his miniature dry-cleaners:

Enough about LeDray. Last year I shared a post with you guys about my personal collection of miniatures. Since then, the collection has expanded significantly. Catherine, my roomie and owner of the miniature dog Coco, commissioned her handy brother to make us a miniature set of shelves to hold my collection. Here is the collection all together:

An Abacus that Fell Off a Key Chain

Saw Letter Opener

Quite a few things from the current collection were actually purchased and given to my father (Mort) by my sister (Yassi) for Christmas last year. He decided that they'd be better off living with me on my self. This is one of those things.

Para Lavar Los Dientes Pequeños

Mort brought back for me and my sister teeny oral hygiene kits from his trip to Mexico this month. They included one small tube of toothpaste, a toothbrush, and a sketchy flossing devise. Each kit cost one peso.

A Tiny Violin

This is the instrument that is played when one complains about something that isn't a big deal in the grander scheme of things.

Compact Grater

I think this is actually for nutmeg. Once I used it with fresh ginger.

Petite Pencils

This was also purchased for Mort. I wonder if you could find a sharpener small enough!

Tiny Tabasco

I bought some friend chicken I didn't actually want to eat just for this bottle.

Wee Shoes

These came from my favorite store in New York City (after B&H), Fabulous Fanny's

If you are interested in seeing more teeny-tiny (or great big) stuff, check out my superfriend, Hanae's tumblr: things of unusual size.

In Defense of the Mediocre, Crass, and Shitty

2011-06-25T08:32:00.000-07:00

Last week, I had the fortune to see X-Men: First Class. This is not a good movie. In fact, it was a very bad movie. It didn't make sense, was kind of sexist, and had January Jones in it. But, you know what? I loved every fucking second of it. I would see it again. Shit fuck. I'd see it again in theaters. It was silly, funny, and sexy. Case in point: Michael Fassbender. This gentleman knows how to wear a wetsuit and how to dramatically mime moving, like, a bunch of missiles through grand gesticulations.

Fassbender tangent:

That is not from the movie, but who cares? It is awesome for reasons other than pure handsomeness: single tear, eyeliner, neck tattoo, blouse.

Anyway, my point of my blog post is this: Sometimes things that are stupid and poorly executed can bring you an immense amount of joy. I wanted to explore this idea so, I invited some of my favorite people to share their stupid shit that they love. These are all very attractive, intelligent ladies who excel in their fields of choice, but for whatever reasons have terrible taste when it comes to certain things.

Caitlin: Terrible Taste in Music

There comes a time in your adulthood when you decide to stop trying to be cool. Yeah, you could still mark in your calendar when the Typhoon LP comes out or you can be honest with yourself and be like, I just be like, "Nope. I just want to listen to the same Katy Perry song on repeat." Caitlin ascribes to the latter ideology and I think her life is better because of it.

Caitlin hosts the best karaoke night in all of Brooklyn and I think this might dictate her taste in music. It's more fun to sing TLC than Leonard Cohen. Here are her favorite bad songs right now:

1. Britney Spears "Hold It Against Me"

What Caitlin has to say about this: "This song is SO CLOSE to being BRILLIANT. I'm serious. It's a dancehall trashy pop song about cheesy pick-up lines. Unfortunately she only uses two lines, and I wish the song had like, 47, but whatever." Yeah, it's not even one of Britney's good songs. If you don't believe Britney ever had a good song shut your mouth and stop being such a snob.

2. Shots by LMFAO featuring Lil' Jon

Sigh. This song is the bane of my existence. Ever since it was introduced to my group of friends (as an example of a terribly executed, fucked up non-nonsensical misogynistic song), they sing a version of this song to explain every situation we are in. For example, if say the G train finally shows up, someone will sing "Train train train train train..." It is horrible. This is why Caitlin likes it, "The best part of this song is hearing Lil' John give a shout out to 'Lemon Drops.' Dude, that is not street at all."

Also this clean version is hilarious because instead of "fuck" they say "butts." So if you got no money get the butts out the club. But for some reason saying that if you give a woman some shots her panties will hit the ground is perfectly acceptable to be heard by all ages. Blerg.

3. A Tie Between "Peacock" by Katy Perry and "S&M" by Rihanna

This song is what I call a single entendre. So Katy really wants to see this guys weiner. I put up the lyrics video because the lyrics are really the best part. My favorite line is "I was so unprepared." Caitlin has this to say about this song, "I've never heard anything so stupid. I guess I can't really defend this one."

I'll let Caitlin explain this one: "It is only song where I have ever heard Rihanna sing with any emotion. Also, if the goal of this song is to make you feel dirty, they have accomplished it with Brittney's vocals. 'If I'm bad tie me down/Shut me up gag and bound.... me' Eeewwww." Indeed.

Irina: Terrible Taste in Movies

Irina grew up in Almaty, Kazakhstan and moved to the US as a teenager. Her experience of American pop culture is very different from mine. She says things like, "Every time I watch Catwoman with Halle Berry..." and I respond, "Stop. What? You do that habitually?" and she says, "Yes, of course!" She has also seen every movie with Keanu Reeves in it. Since I have not seen any of these movies (none of them have Michael Fassbender in them), I'll let Irina explain why she likes them in her own words.

1. Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead

This is an excellent terrible movie. The awful babysitter dies and the kids dump her body but it's a comedy, see and Christina Applegate who is 17 has to get a job so she FAKES her resume and become an executive assistant. Because that can happen in real life. And she doesn't get sued for anything just GROUNDED. Ah, this is good stuff. The fugliest male love interest is in it though. As if.

2. Catwoman

YouTube won't let me embed this video, but here is the clip.

Catwoman-This movie was hailed the worst Catwoman rendition ever and the least sexiest that Halle Berry has ever been. Uh, the former is definitely right, the latter come on??? When she orders a white Russian on the rocks sans vodka and the bartender is like "milk, straight up" and it looks the coolest thing ever and you get the urge to go to a bar and do the same but common sense holds you back. She looks fine as fuck. The trouble is that every time I see it I give myself a haircut. Once again the plot is idiotic. A fucking cat breathes into her mouth and she comes back to life. She saves the world from cream that maintains you looking young but is actually fucking killing you. The scene where she escapes out of jail, LIKE A CAT, by just squeezing through the rungs? It's soo bad. Listen I tried that shit okay, not only will neither of my ass checks squeeze through, our skulls are not malleable! Anyways, I love this movie. I love a girl in leather, who drinks milk, has commitment problems and eats tuna. Because at the end Halle Berry leaves Benjamin Bratt all alone. Bam. Like a fucking cat.

3. The Sweetest Thing

This video is NSFW sort of, mostly it is just dumb.

Okay, if you have taste or like cinema there is no reason why you should enjoy this movie unless you are me. This is probably Christina Applegate's and Cameron Diaz's worst movie EVER. The tasteless humor, awful styling, i don't even know what to say it's just god awful but you gotta watch it.

Rebecca: Terrible Taste in Television

Rebecca and I are BFFs, but our friendship is built on a foundation of our mutual interest in dumb things. We became friends in college because we would breaks from the library together to eat a lot of bad candy (Idaho Spud, anyone?) and talk about the holocaust. Anyway, one of the things we both love is really really bad TV. She can stomach worse stuff than me. These are her "favorites."

1. Seventh Heaven

How the crap was this show on for 11 seasons and (I am fully aware of how insufferable I must sound) Firefly got canceled after only 13 episodes? Joss Whedon must cry himself to sleep every night in a huge pile of money, just at the thought of it.

Also, they have like 10 kids, but none of them look alike.

2. Any Show with Shonda Rimes as Producer

Shonda Rimes is the woman responsible for a certain genre of television for women: ethically-questionable doctors who just have sex in supply closets and have terrible things happen to them. She created such tours de force as Grey's Anatomy, Private Practice (Grey's Anatomy in LA), and Off the Map (Grey's Anatomy in South America). It is very obvious that the actors, producers and writers for these shows actively hate these characters, as, I must assume, do most of the viewers. I chose the clip because it was from the not-well-thought-out musical episode that came out this season. They were right to have chosen to sing Snow Patrol because Grey's Anatomy is totally the Snow Patrol of television. Both are insufferable, melodramatic, nonsensical, and appear deep to dumb people.

3. The Mentalist

I have never seen this show. But it is nice to see that Robin Tunney has a job.

I need to update more

2011-06-17T11:48:00.000-07:00

I need to update more lest you fine people forget about me. I have some new entry ideas that I will put up when I have a little more time. In the meantime, here is this insane tumblr that Davida (who is responsible for this, this and this) made. Basically, Davida and I are trying to have the most blogs ever.

Speaking of blogs, check out my weekly book blog at ArtAsiaPacific.

Counting Sheep.

2011-03-30T06:49:00.000-07:00

My mom is an active member of the Amsterdam chapter of the Hash House Harriers, a world-wide group of drinkers with a running problem. They are putting together a bike race thing in Texel. They are famous for their sheep. So my mom asked me if I would design something for them to put on a t-shirt.

This was my process.

This was a very sophisticated sketch I made of what I wanted the sheep to be doing.

Then I brought into Adobe Illustrator and made this guy:

But I had forgotten to give him ears. Whoops. So I kept working.

I also added type and a windmill. Still he wasn't edgy enough.

He wasn't Dutch enough, so I added some orange clogs.

Then, I showed it to Mort, my dad. And of course he thought he wasn't getting enough attention as usual and requested his own sheep. Mort is not a very outdoorsy guy, so I changed his sheep around to fit his interests. His sheep is enjoying a Campari with soda while lounging on an Eames chair.

Edit: Mort wanted me to show some photos of his belongings to further explain his mid-century modern sheep.

Canes

Campari and other questionable liquors.

Research about sheep.

Must Love (Small) Dogs.

2011-03-19T10:59:00.001-07:00

I told myself that I have to stop blogging about puppy dogs, but it has recently come to my attention that not everyone thinks Coco and Squirt are cute. This issue must be addressed. Let me refresh your memory. This is what Coco and Squirt look like:

Coco is lounging inside of a neck pillow.

Can Squirt's tongue be any pinker? Jesus Christ!

OMG! They are soooooo cute! LOOK AT THEM. SQUEEE!

Okay, let me pull myself together.

I really could not fathom it even being a possibility that someone would not love Squirt and Coco the wayI love them. I was naive enough to think that even people who have described Coco as being, "part ferret, part dung beetle" really love them in their deepest hearts. This was until, over a course of an hour or so, my dear friend explained to me in great detail why he does not like Coco. I finally got the message.

Some of his reasons were:

1) She is too small.
2) She has lost most of her hair due to being inbred.
3) She cannot exist in nature.
4) Her eyes protrude from her head.
5) She is usually wearing a sweater.

I thought this was just this guy and that he just had no heart, but sadly, other people have come forward and admitted to me that they don't really think these little guys are that cute, despite all the unconditional love and snuggles they offer. This was further solidified in my mind, when I forward the following picture to a friend.

Instead of saying, "OMG! He is soooooo cute! LOOK AT HIM. SQUEEE!" The response I got was, "ew."

What I want to do now is unpack exactly why Derek — yes, the Chihuahua shown here is named Derek— is cute. Here we go:

1) His name is Derek.
2) His head to body ratio.
3) His ear to head ratio.
4) His leg to body ratio (How does he support himself with such little legs!?)
5) The size of his body in relation to the pavement stones.
6) The "Hey what's up? I am just taking a walk all nonchalantly even though I am an adorable chihuahua" expression on his face.
7) He lives in the Netherlands. It shows strength of character for a chihuahua to live in such a northern climate.

Some people just hate small dogs for ideological reasons. But before you large dog-fascists write my little friends off, ask yourself the following questions:

Can a gigantic dog lie comfortably on your tummy while you read a book?

Can you just grab a gigantic dog and force him to snuggle with you when you are feeling hormonal while watching a documentary on Netflix streaming about adopting Chinese orphans?

Can a gigantic dog fall asleep on your shoulder? And would it be comfortable enough for you to join in and nap yourself?

I get that people have differing tastes, but if you don't think this picture of my friend's pug, Zoey is wondrous, you basically don't have a heart.

Grandmas! Love! Muffins!

2011-02-28T08:13:00.000-08:00

Everyone likes grandmas right? They are cute and old and non-threatening. Oftentimes they bake their grandchildren yummy things. Davida, who is also responsible for this blog and this one, has started a new one where people submit beloved grandmother recipes. The latest entry was written by yours truly. Read it! Also admire the banner, it was created by a beautiful genius.

I Often Have a Hard Time Understanding Things.

2011-02-10T19:42:00.001-08:00

Everyone has those dumb things they think are true that aren't actually true. And I don't mean subjective stuff like if the band Everclear is cool or not (I used to think they were cool when I was 13-17 and I was wrong. ). Or if it is the West's job to spread democracy in the Middle East or not. I mean things that are objectively true. For example, for a long time, my friend Rebecca thought it was possible to drive to Cuba from the United States. That is not true. No matter what your opinion is on the subject.

Rednecks: Not Recognized by the Census Bureau as an Ethnic Group.

When I was a little girl, for some reason I got the idea in my head that the term redneck was a derogatory term for a Native American. I think it might have some sort of conflation involving red skin, which is racist or at the very least racist-lite.

One day, I heard my father refer to one of his employee's husbands as a "huge redneck." I felt so disappointed. I thought, "Oh, no! I guess my dad is a racist!" and I slumped my head in shame. I eventually realized that redneck refers to white people (mostly) and it is okay to make fun of white people because they already are in charge of everything and therefore, are uncool by nature. Now I feel sort of uncomfortable using the term redneck because it seems classist. I am old and fancy enough to feel white guilt about white people. We might actually live post-racial America after all.

Apples and Oranges: One Fruit Is Superior to the Other

I have a really hard time with idioms despite being a native English speaker. I am very literal, which is a problem when dealing with culturally based phrases. I don't know why Marie Antoinette would want people to eat cake (or brioche or whatever). Kettles aren't black anymore and neither are most pots. And if you are rich enough to live in a glass house, you probably have good insurance, so go ahead and throw those rocks.

The one that was the worst for me was "It's like comparing apples to oranges." I literally had no idea what it even meant for years. My problem was that I just prefer oranges to apples. I could not imagine a universe where they'd be considered equal in value, yet incomparable. Given the choice between an apple and orange, I'll always choose the orange. Oranges are just better!

The Most Embarrassing: Lil' Kim.

Sigh. This went on until about a year ago and one of the most embarrassing things about me. Stupid Kim-Jong-il causes so many problems. Not just for his fellow country people and his southern neighbors, but for me. For years and years, I would hear about Kim Jong-il on TV and the radio, but I would always read about a very similar man named Kim Jong, the second. Orthography failed me. I was reading, Kim-Jong, the second because Il in too many typefaces looks like II. It also didn't help, that his dad or son or whatever (I really need to read the newspaper more often) is called Kim-Jong Un. In the rock tumbler that is my head, it just reinforced my idea that Kim-Jong was indeed the second Kim-Jong because "Un" has to be the first. Yes, I have a degree in linguistics and yes, for some reason, I thought that Korea would use an Romantic numeral to mark father and son. I feel so ashamed for me.

Buck Up, Pal.

2011-02-10T19:00:00.000-08:00

My friend got her heart broken once. And then, soon after, she got it broken again, which was dumb on the heartbreaker's part. When this initially happened, I made her a crying mix. This time, I thought I should send her something to make her smile. I decided to make her a very specific kind of care package with stuff I know that she likes and has a significance to our friendship.

I made her a book to complement her first mix.

I had to print it on my beautiful Epson Stylus 1400, also known as my baby.

Then I had to to cut all the pieces out. I even went crazy and used a new blade, so I wouldn't injure myself!

It made some pretty interesting trash.

Then I put it together.

Some images require some explanation, but I think it would be boring except for me and Marianna.

Some images should be enjoyed universally. What is more lovely than a crazy hamster or a baby pug?

Ugly Plaid Shirt

Marianna was wearing ugly plaid before it was cool and will continue to wear it until the day she croaks. Therefore, I knew that an ugly plaid shirt was required.

Even the label was perfect.

When I bought it, the shoulder pads were pre-removed! What a great deal!

Whitman's Sampler.
Do I really need to explain this? I just hope she eats the whole thing in one sitting.

Pen Pals

2011-01-31T08:55:00.000-08:00

One of my New Years resolutions is to start a pen pal exchange project.

The impetus of this is coming from two sources:

1) I spend too much time on my computer. Yes, I realize that I am writing about this on one of my three blogs. I need to not lose all use of my motor skills. My handwriting is getting worse. I used to to draw or paint everyday, and now I only do that once a month. Even when I draw, it's often using a stylus and Adobe Illustrator or Brushes on my iPad. There is something uniquely pleasurable about creating something with your hands that exists in real space.

2) As, I've mentioned several times on this blog, my friend Eric moved to the woods to do his thing this fall. He has since left and now is doing his thing in civilization. While he was there, the only way to communicate with him was through the mail. And while, I have a really hard time romanticizing secluding yourself (Eric didn't even know how the guy who invented Segways died!) or enjoying nature (ew), I thought this was a cool idea. I'll probably keep his letters for a long time (or at least until I move again (j/k)), but I am pretty sure I would have deleted the last email I got from him except that it prominently featured a chihuahua wearing a shirt.

The Rules!

1) I want to get as many people as possible involved because it will be more fun that way.

2) You can't write someone you know, either in real life or the internet. I want to cast a wide net. I am looking for a group of people of different ages, nationalities, and interests. I don't want it to just be a bunch of 20-somethings writing in Brooklyn writing a bunch of 20-somethings in Portland.

3) The letters must be handwritten or at least created using some sort of analogue tool. If you want to use a typewriter or screen print or cross stitch it, that's great. Use whatever you like, as long as you don’t use an electronic devise.

If you are interested please email me: saharloo at gmail with your address. I will gather everyone who is interested and pair them up.

Photoshopping Puppy Heads!

2011-01-19T19:54:00.000-08:00

As I mentioned in earlier entries, I enjoy making my loved ones elaborate cards and things. And it is no secret that I love puppy dogs, especially their heads.

Squirt!

This card was for Mike, one of my roomies. He is Squirt's dad.

Click to enlarge.

Squirt is a very spirited Shih Tzu. He has doggie version of PICA syndrome and has chewed or completely consumed too many of foreign objects: a set of color pencils, Mike's razor, a dollar, a few paper towels, a pair of socks, a pair of tweezers, the list goes on. He has recently been breaking into my room in hopes that I will drop some popcorn on the floor again. Squirt woke me up before my alarm this morning in fact by barging in and Mike came in chasing him. You can't hit snooze on a moment like that.

It took Mike almost a day to realize that Squirt heads were spelling out his name.

Coco!

This was made for one of my other roommates, Catherine. She is Coco's owner. I don't think I need to explain Coco to the regular readers of this blog.

This pictures speaks for itself.

Coco and Yassi: a Photo Essay

2011-01-03T12:03:00.000-08:00

My sister, Yassi, has a habit of getting on my computer and then taking a shit ton of pictures on Photo Booth. During her Christmas visit, Yassi decided to let Coco, the world's best chihuahua, in on the fun. And, yes, Coco is wearing a fleece onesie. Yassi was kind enough to allow me to put them up on this very, very popular blog.

Comparing Coco to an avocado.

Comparing Coco to a miniature red onion.

Trying to eat Coco.

Interacting with own foot.

Sahar B: Almost as good as David Hockney

2010-12-26T16:06:00.000-08:00

David Hockney is a well-renowned artist. Recently, he's been making covers for the New Yorker on his iPad. Most people think they are ugly because they kind of are. This summer I won an iPad from a raffle at Tekserve because my life is just that awesome. I downloaded an app called Brushes and I've been making very serious and sophisticated artwork with it. I will share some of the best pieces with you now:

Edit: Yassi, my sister, wanted to share the one she made tonight.

If You Are My Friend, I Will Make You Things Eventually

2010-11-21T16:31:00.000-08:00

Lately, I've had a lot of time on my hands. I've been doing crap, like this and this among other things. (Please hire me! I make nice stuff! Check it out here.)

One of the things I do often that I enjoy the most is make little presents for my friends. If you are sad, messed up physically (or mentally), or just turning 31 or something, I will make you a card or mixed CD or like, a photoshopped picture of robot wearing a bow tie (I have not actually made that, but I will eventually). I'd like to share with you some recent things I've made to show my affection toward some awesome people.

Adam!

Adam is my coolest friend who I rarely see. You should check out his site and look at his beautiful video art. The problem with being friends with cool, smart, nice people is that they have lots of friends and therefore they are hard to track down. He is the best person to go to karaoke with and I am afraid that everyone else seems to know that too.

A few months ago, Adam turned 31, which is an age a person can be. I made him this very sophisticated card. If you are a follower of my work (Hi Mom! Hi Dad!), you'll notice the motifs of skeletons, dinosaurs, and cuddly things. Sorry that the photo quality is so bad, I took the pictures with my phone in a dark room.

This is the outside.

If you can't read my chicken scratch handwriting, it says "You are 31 because you haven't died yet! Love! Sahar." Adam says it is the most accurate card he has ever received.

Marianna!

Marianna and I once shared the grossest apartment any girls have ever lived in (the grossness of boys is held to a higher standard). Seriously, after one crazy weekend, our place looked like an anti-drug commercial. She is also very pretty. She is so pretty that you can see her beauty despite the fact that she wears high waisted pleated floral shorts that she buys on sale at thrift stores. To reiterate that is not "for sale," but "on sale." At thrift stores.

She and her boyfriend broke up and she was sad, so I decided to make her a sad mix to listen to while wallowing in self-pity. I am one to mope. Sometimes you just need to lie down in the dark, put on Antony and the Johnsons, and lose it. I know I am not alone here.

I went to Portland last week to deliver this to Marianna (and do some other stuff) only to learn that the couple has reconciled. I feel like they should have stayed broken up long enough that this would still be relevant.

Eric!

My last post was actually about Eric. Much like Adam and Marianna, Eric is awesome. While he was out in the woods "finding himself," which in Eric's case was whittling and taking pictures of interesting fungi, he f-ed up his back and contracted a condition called, "Radiculitis," which sounds fake, but is not. That sentence was unnecessarily long.

Rebecca and I decided to send Eric a care package, which had some candy from an discount candy store and some pizza flavored chips. Rebecca wouldn't let me buy him a Princess Jasmine Pez dispenser because "He would hate that." Whatever. We also made him a mixed CD each. Mine was overly complicated and that made Rebecca up her game and then her CD was actually cooler than mine. If she wasn't my favorite, I would be totally jealous.

Mine

This is the cover. I drew the type by hand!

Rebecca's

If you read the title tracks one after another, they tell a story. A sad one.

Eric thought I had made both of them (which I found very flattering).

Prossessing Through the Post

2010-10-20T13:47:00.000-07:00

I have this friend, Eric, who used to teach remedial math in the Bronx to pregnant teenagers and the boys who impregnated them. After a few years of doing this, he decided to live alone in a secluded Montana cabin for a while. He wanted to grow a really long beard, do math, and possibly write a manifesto. We told him that if he got aviator glasses and a hoodie, we'd turn him into the the authorities.

A huge part of what made him excited about this trip was to be away from the internet and phone for a few months. The only way we have to communicate with him is through the United States Postal Service. I am sure he would have accepted telegrams if they still existed. Every couple weeks, I get a letter from him in the mail that he wrote on a vintage typewriter. It's not as twee as it sounds, mostly because he uses boring envelopes.

Earlier this year, I took a class to learn this programming language called, Processing. You can do super awesome things with it. I am not sure exactly how to make awesome things with it, but I try! I told Eric about it since he likes math and nerdy shit. He was better than it than i was. He also taught it to the pregnant teenagers and the other teenagers who impregnated them and they were also better at than I was. Whatever. Did they ever make a hamburger clock? Warning, if you click on it and you don't have a 15 or more inch monitor because it will look pretty dumb. And it might make your browser barf and cry. My friend Davida with some people at Pratt did something with Processing and a breathalyzer test.

Here are things that don't look dumb that you can do with processing.

Anyway, I would make him a simple program in Processing, write it out by hand, and mail it to him. The idea is that he would just have to imagine what it looks like until he has access to a computer.

Here is what the code looks like:

//October 13, 2010

//Hi! Eric!

//I wrote you a program in Process. Since
//you are living an antiquated life, I am writing you
//with a bamboo pen and ink. I thought you could just
//imagine what it looks like for now. When you return to
//civilization, you can look at it for real.

//colors
float skyChange=.1;
int r = 194;
int b = 244;

//movement
float y=15;

void setup () {
size (600, 600);
frameRate (5);
}

void draw () {
//sky

background (r+skyChange, 214, b-skyChange);
skyChange=skyChange+1;

//leaves
for (int x=0; x<(600); x+=40) { { fill (242, 101, 34, random(150)); noStroke(); ellipse(x, y, random (25), 30); y=y+random(1); } } for (int x=0; x<(600); x+=70) { { fill (181, 56, 35, random (200)); noStroke(); ellipse(x, y-25, random (10), 15); } } for (int x=0; x<(600); x+=20) { { fill (133, 50, 178, random (100)); noStroke(); ellipse(x+15, y-10, random (5), 10); } } for (int x=0; x<(600); x+=15) { { fill (133, 50, 178, random (100)); noStroke(); ellipse(x+15, y-30, random (5), 10); } } if (y>600) {
y=580; }

}

//I hope you are still having a good time!

//Sincerely,

//Sahar!

Here's what the letter looks like:

If you can't imagine what it looks like, you can see it here.

These Blogs Are Not Mine, But They Are Still Good.

2010-10-20T12:40:00.000-07:00

My wonderful friend Davida started a couple of hilarious blogs. Not enough people are reading or commenting on them and she is sad. So check these out, dudes!

Photos My Phone Took In My Pocket!

This blog features pictures that Davida's very very not smart phone takes in her pocket. Sometimes her phone will take so many pictures of the nothingness in her pocket that her phone starts deleting pictures that were taken on purpose. So sad. Here is a picture taken in her pocket.

Sergent Pluck Speaks "Excellent" German!

This blog is simply awesome. It combines two of my favorite themes in art and literature: Art and German-Stuff. Davida writes in German, a language I am not entirely sure she speaks, a narrative about the life of her beloved kitty, Sgt Pluck. Then she "translates" them back into English using babelfish or something. The results are magnificent.

Here is a taste or Geschmack :

Mein Liebling Fernsehbuchstabe ist- Oscar die Klage. Er lebt in einem Abfalleimer. Ich dachte, möglicherweise meine Miezekatze möchte in einem Abfalleimer leben. Aber sie wollte nicht im Abfall bleiben, also mussten wir sie in ihm halten. Ich dachte, dass sie es möchte, aber sie nicht warten könnte, um hinauszugehen und so erklärt mir, indem sie meowing.

My favourite television actor is Oscar the complaint. It lives in a trash can. I thought, possibly my kitty would like to live in a trash can. But it did not want to remain in the waste, therefore we had to hold it in it. I thought the fact that she would like it, but she not to wait to go out and so explains to me, by it meowing.

Prune Muffins

2010-09-30T08:45:00.000-07:00

Prunes have a bad rap. I think this stems from their association with the elderly. That's ageism people! Stop being so bigoted and enjoy this natural treat. Old people are awesome. I can't wait to be super old! Old people get to bed as early as they want, put together so many jigsaw puzzles, and sport the very best vintage cardigans.

Perhaps people are wary of prunes because they are afraid if they eat too many they will poop a lot. But if those terrible Activia commercials (with that creepy arrow pointing to the groin area) have taught me anything it is that people don't poop enough! Gross anecdote time: Once one of my friends sister was in town. Let's call him "Jim." So, yeah, Jim's sister couldn't poop. So I gave his sister a bag of prunes (because I like to keep them on hand). Apparently, that wasn't enough. She even ate a whole another bag to no avail. I am actually not too sure how her problem was solved come to think of it. Anyway, I was telling my dad this story and he said, "But why was she constipated? She is of Guatemalan descent." I was like, "Wuh?" He thought I was talking about Jim's girlfriend. My dad apparently thinks that only white Americans and African Americans get constipated due to their cultural fear of fresh fruits and vegetables. So, yeah, that is both a story about prunes and how my dad is a bad listener.

Okay, I will finally get to the point of this post. Last night I made my specialty, prune muffins. Pretty much what happens is that I take Mark Bittman's basic muffin recipe from How To Cook Everything (my favorite book!) and jazz it up a bit. I used to spelt flour that I'd buy in bulk from the food co-op when I lived in Portland because I was a big ol' communist hippie back then. To the recipe, I added a half cup of walnuts, a half cup of prunes, ginger, cloves, and cinnamon. They turned out pretty good. I think it could convert a prune hater.

For some reason, Mort had access to my book and changed to the word "muffins" to "muffings." I asked him why he did it and he seemed just as confused as I was.

Whiter than North Dakota: Flour, baking soda, and sugar.

Diverse like California: added cloves, ginger, and cinnamon.

Wet ingredients.

All Done!

Coney Island With Sami.

2010-08-28T14:45:00.000-07:00

On Thursday, Sam and I went to Coney Island. Sam is one of my all time favorite people and best friends. We were roommates in college and after college. She still lives in Portland, but came to the east coast for a long due visit. She was with me the first time I went to Coney Island and the first time I went to Williamsburg actually (summer of 2005 on the same day). We are very good at making adventures happen.

Before we even left the house, we had some lunch at the cafe near my new apartment. It was too pretty not to photograph.

Sam and her muesli.

My salmon and beets matched Sam's dress.

We took the Q, which was the train I took when I first moved to New York. I lived in what I "affectionately" call "Crown Heights Lite." No one came to visit me. Prospect Park Stop! How I don't really miss you at all!

It took us a little more than an hour to get there, but most of the ride was above ground. It was nice to see a part of Brooklyn with houses that look like regular families live in them. We were excited to finally see the Wonder Wheel and the ocean.

To be perfectly honest, the main purpose of our visit was to find some pistachio soft serve that Sam used to love when she was a little girl. We found the soft serve within five minutes of arriving (I'm not exaggerating for once). It was right next to this bumper car place, with their tastefully done signs.

The thing that bothered me about this sign is that they obviously were afraid to show a human's buttocks, but really wanted to. So they did a half-assed (I know, not funny) job by just making a donkey look like it has a human's butt. It made me uncomfortable.

They made up for it by having this guy. I love his teeth.

The Disgusting Beach!

Sam wanted to put her feet in the water. I didn't. The sand was hella gross. It was like 75% sand and 25% sketchy garbage. It was nice seeing all the families and little kids relaxing and running around in the surf.

I don't know why, but it was strange to me to see all these generic looking housing developments so close to the ocean.

She was especially having a wonderful time.

This guy kept whistling. We couldn't figure out who he was whistling at. We came up with a theory that he just wanted people to look at him and his pectoral muscles.

The Wonder Wheel

We decided it was only worth spending money on one ride and we chose the Wonder Wheel, which is 90 years old and because of that scared the crap out of me. I'm getting old and I am not as fearless as I used to be.

Clowns!

It is no secret that I love clowns. I love them because they are supposed to be cuddly, innocent, funny, and cute, but mostly just end up scaring the crap out of people. There were some nice clown murals under the Wonder Wheel. We were please to make their acquaintances.

Beasts: Both Hideous and Adorable!

Since Coney Island is in touch with its carnival roots. There are lots of scary things and plush things made for hugging.

Sam said that this guy looked like he had a good sense of humor. I am inclined to agree.

Did any of you know that Winnie the Pooh is a college graduate?

GHOST HOLE! It sounds like a bad band name. Like one that has a member of the band who wears an ironic Native American head-dress and has cover art drawn with markers. Barf in a bucket.

Speaking of barf in a bucket. Check out these bros.

Architecture and Art

They are sort of trying to make Coney Island into an art center or something. I was too lazy to look into it. But they painted these murals over old signs of the carnival signs. I enjoyed them.

We walked to the end of the boardwalk and found this thing. it is famous, but I really don't know what its function is.

We also found an old roller rink in a beautiful building. We were sad to see that it was no longer operational. We both really love rollerskating and hadn't gone in a couple years.

Mighty Poseidon had some vegetation growing out of his head.

We also went to the Museum about Coney Island (it is connected to the Coney Island Freak Show). I recommend it. It is pretty cool and only 99 cents to go in.

I drank this beer on an empty stomach and consequently, forgot to document our excursion to Nathan's Hotdogs for cheese fries and Duncan Donuts (Sam wanted to eat her favorite donut from childhood to see if she still liked it). When we got home, I made us a dinner that mostly consisted of fresh vegetables to make up for the fact we ate so much delicious crap on Coney Island.

I feel that all in all, it was a successful trip.

Coco Turned Five (or 35)

2010-08-24T08:48:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was Coco, my beloved chihuahua friend's, fifth birthday. Catherine and I forgot to celebrate it last year because we were too frazzled with our lives, but this time around, we were already settled in our new place and excited to have a party.

Catherine decided to make Coco a party hat. I want to point out that Catherine doesn't normally wear this amazing poncho because there is rarely an occasion that warrants it. Later she put on a head band and I told her that she looked like Mischa Barton, but with a much nicer butt.

Will our birthday girl like it?

It looked almost as good on Neima.

We also made some nachos for Coco's human friend. We wanted to celebrate her Mexican heritage. We couldn't share this with her because she would probably have gotten diarrhea. Catherine gave her a dog friendly treat.

Then it was time for brownies!

We used this lighter to light the candle. In case you can't tell, it has a chihuahua on it. My mom brought it back for me from when she was working in Kazakhstan.

Time to blow out the candles, Coco! Okay, maybe not. We'll help you out since it looks like you are afraid of fire.

The party was a little too crazy for Coco and she passed out pretty early.

Presents: Garamon and Shlomo

2010-08-10T18:33:00.000-07:00

I got paid for a freelance job today and instead of putting it all in savings like a proper young lady, I bought myself and Rebecca some presents.

My Present to Myself: Garamon!

First off is Garamon, who I spotted months earlier in Toy Tokyo in the East Village. I decided immediately that he is my spirit animal. I tried to get Mort to buy it for me last week, but he refused because it scared him. Mort is also scared of dinosaurs, clowns, and cherubs. That information might be of use to you one day.

Look at this handsome gent.

grrrrrrrrrr.

Even his tail is adorbs.

So I did a little research online and discovered that Garamon was a character or villain or something on this 1960s Japanese monster show called Ultra Q. There is a whole blog about just Garamon. He is so cute! Here he is in his natural habitat:

These images are from here.

My Present to Rebecca: Shlomo!

I saw this little fellow for sale this weekend on the corner of Bedford and N. 7th st. I rarely stop to look at stuff people are selling on the sidewalk on Bedford because I don't like stopping in the middle of the sidewalk (it's a thoroughfare, goddammit) or talking to people I don't know, especially ex hippies selling weird dolls or used Kierkegaard paperbacks. But this dude, worth talking to a hippie and lugging it on the G train for.

He's tooting his own horn.

I decided that his name should be Shlomo, which is my favorite Jewish male name after Akiva and Mordecai. I thought it would be a good present around Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippir. He sure knows how to work his shofar. Honk! Honk!

He has the softest paws and is a very good nap partner.

2010-08-09T19:14:00.000-07:00

I was going looking through my iPhoto for pictures of my friends wedding in June. I discovered these pictures of Ninja, the most cuddly, teddy bear-like of cats. Denise borrowed my camera unbeknownst to me and took these.

I think some cat nip was involved.

B&H and B&H

2010-08-03T17:51:00.000-07:00

As most of you guys already know, my dad and I don't have a typical relationship. One of my favorite father/daughter activities is going to B&H, which is a huge electronic store, specializing in cameras. It is almost entirely run by Orthodox Jews of so many varieties and ethnicities! I took Rebecca there a few weeks ago to find a husband. She didn't fine a man, but she did find a nice little Panasonic Lumix point-and-shoot.

We went to find me a tiny, crappy PC netbook thingy for me to do some web work on. We tried to find one that wasn't too ridiculous although I said that if there was one with Hello Kitty, I would totally buy it. But this one was too silly, even for us.

We thought it was ugly but then...

We closed it and saw it and it became worse. Mort also bought himself a portable scanner called, "The Magic Wand." I informed him that is also a name of a popular vibrator and he pretended like he hadn't heard me.

We got hungry, so we took the L train across town to B&H, the restaurant. It is so cute and small! They serve you at your table by handing your food to you over the counter. I love it. We should all go there together, but we wouldn't all be able to fit!

All photos (but the top one) by Mort. If you want to see more Mort photos visit emailsfrommort.com.

Don't buy into the hype! It will come back to bite you! In Hell. Or Something.

2010-07-25T14:36:00.001-07:00

I found this piece of trash on the sidewalk the other day. It is actually pretty great.

Yes, Yes. In fact, I have.

You can tell he is cool and sort of dangerous because he is wearing sunglasses.

When I was a freshman in college, I was procrastinating and I decided that I would read the book of Leviticus. It is super weird. If you want to know what to do if someone's cow wanders into your land and falls into a hole and dies, it covers that.

Jews for Jesus!

It sort of breaks my heart that it says "Please don't litter" because it was totally litter. Actually, that's what caught my eye when I saw it on the sidewalk. Yeah, sorry, Dvora Kasdan, this wasn't a message I could sink my teeth in it.

new blog!

2010-07-15T14:06:00.000-07:00

Due to the "popularity" of my emails from Mort entries, I have started a new blog, emailsfrommort.com. Check it out, friends!

Sad Omelet, Happy Omelet

2010-06-22T11:21:00.000-07:00

This was my breakfast until I decided that I needed to have a more positive outlook on life.

So Many Dinosaurs!

2010-06-18T14:45:00.000-07:00

Last weekend, I went to the Portland Zoo with my friend Michelle. I've been to that zoo many times in the six years I lived there. What drew us this time was that they are hosting this animatronic dinosaur exhibition. Here are some highlights.

I love this guy's stupid head.

Michelle wanted to do an imitation.

In other dinosaur news. Remember this?

Which eventually became this?

So, what happened to that dinosaur? Since then, I have decided to emasculate the dinosaur by making it wear this apron I bought in Belgium whose purpose is to decorate wine bottles.

I wish my poster would have looked like these ones that were made for the aforementioned dinosaur zoo exhibition.

Mix "Tapes"

2010-06-17T13:47:00.000-07:00

One of the only things I do really well is make my friends and family mixed CDs (that and write fake, yet believable letters to the editor). I spend days going through iTunes and coming up with a theme and picking out the perfect typeface for the jackets that I make. Yep. I am that person.

Anyway, it was my friend Rebecca's birthday last week and I missed it because I was still in Oregon. So I spent way too much time yesterday working on these.

I entitled them "Dream Husband," "Dream Vacation," and "Dream Apartment." The songs on each mix are tangentially related to the theme.

Yes, that is Sarah Vowell talking to Ira Glass and yes, I do know that they aren't married to each other. It's a DREAM! They would both probably be grossed out to know that there is totally Hall & Oates on this mix.

Dream Vacation! In case you can't tell. That is a picture taken from a plane. Thanks! Flikr!

Dream Apartment! I sort of had a hard time finding songs that work. So I put things like "Electricity" By Orchestral Manoeuvres In The Dark, "Made of Stone" by the Stone Roses, and "Date with Ikea" by Pavement (all pretty sweet songs in their own right).

Crazy Type!

Close up!

In summary: I own too many clothes.

2010-05-25T12:14:00.001-07:00

I am packing because I am flying out to Portland really early tomorrow morning. I am having a hard time because I hate almost all my shirts. There is just dumb stuff on all of them (pandas, doner kabobs, etc).

panda body, ugly flowers, I am not sure what that is, doner kebab.

 It led me to realize that my tastes in clothes is starting to become slightly more conservative (this is relative). I wear black tights now instead of hot pink ones and I've now all, but abandoned my poly-chromatic Aasics, the ones I picked out because they had the most colors, for a pair of black leather Campers.

  This could be happening for several reasons. The two most obvious would be:

  1) I live in New York City now.

Everyone is sooooooo sophisticated, wearing all black turtlenecks, smoking cigarettes, talking about art. When I lived in Portland, my crazy vintage dresses were not only tolerated. but expected. Once in college, by accident I wore mostly black and several different people asked me if anyone in my family had died.

   This is actually completely inaccurate. I live in Williamsburg and I could walk down the street wearing these dresses and a paper bag with a cartoon clown face painted on it and no one would bat an eye. People here look crazy. All mustachioed, wearing green pleated shorts with red bow ties. I saw some dude on the L train the other day wearing wrist warmers bedazzled with crystals. He was totally awesome.   

2) I am getting older. GRAY HAIRS! LIVER SPOTS! AARP!

A few months ago my friend Lindsay told me about how she read some article she read about how you really start to feel like an adult around 26. I have no idea if that is a "scientific" fact, but I have an urge to stop acting a fool like I used to. The most obvious area this is showing itself is in the clothes I want to wear. I knew this was happening when I was at a store and I had to decide between two dresses and I chose the more more flattering instead of the more hilarious one.

  It is still going to be a while before I start exclusively wearing pants suits from Banana Republic. Here is a pile of garments I might bring with me. If there is room in my suitcase, they are all coming.

All purchased in New York City.

Another Mort Picture Extravaganza

2010-05-14T09:55:00.000-07:00

About a month ago, I blogged all the pictures that Mort (my dad) sent me from his Blackberry over the course one day. Everyone seemed to like it, especially Mort, who loves attention. The deal is the same as last time: I will post the pictures as I get them with all his original commentary, "Mortentary," if you will.

Subject: Mort Stangling the Dragon
12:29pm

Subject: How to Practice "An Apple a Day" Stylishly
12:32pm

BONUS! Pictures from yesterday!
Subject: Planned Parenthood Intact
1:42pm

Subject: Planned Parenthood Cracked
1: 44pm

Subject: Geological Survey of Planned Parenthood
1:46pm

Yassi (my sister): is that a cookie? and what does a pyramid of beer cases have to do with planned parenthood.... well i guess there is some correlation.

Subject: RE survey results of Planned Parenthood---da Beet Connextion
2:13 pm
from: Mort

I guess the following happens:
-lots of beer taken from the pyramid pile.
-inebriation and loss of many faculties
-silly laughter and primate-like screams
-unprotected sex mixed with amnesia
-insamination and pregnancy
-"planned parenthood" discussion
-termination of pregnancy
-guilt
-joining an Evangelically-based "Pro-Life" group
-listening to lots of AM radio
-hating immigrants because they might fuck white women!

Wonderful Things Come in Small Packages

2010-05-02T18:55:00.000-07:00

You'd have to be dead inside not to smile when you see a miniature version of something. For some reason or another, for the past year or so my dad and to a less extent my roommate, Catherine, have been giving me miniature things. We have been arranging them on the mantle like some sort of makeshift altar to the lilliputian (one of my dad's favorite words. He uses it several times a day).

A trumpet pin

German-English Dictionaries

Dice

Briefcase, closed

Briefcase, opened

Miniature Dogs
Now what perchance could be lounging under that down comforter?

Could it be Coco, the world's greatest chihuahua? She belongs to Catherine, but she hangs out with me all day while I do my exciting design work, like kerning.

Yes! There you are!

CLOSE UP!

I seriously do not know how someone could see Coco and not believe in evolution. Her kind was not in the Garden of Eden. I am sure if they had been, it would have been mentioned in Genesis. It would have gotten it's own chapter and everything.

Tiny Food
Food is also more delicious when it is small. Example: tea sandwiches, mini-bagel dogs, and baby corn.

Croissant from Bakeri. This place is so cute, it is almost overwhelming. They make their own butter and serve tea in bowls. They have the most spherical, rotund, surly baker with dark curly out-of-control mutton chops. It worth the trip just to spend a little while watching him do his thing.

They sell these at Trader Joes.

Chihuahua Scale.

cracked out junk food.

2010-04-29T20:01:00.000-07:00

I was having a homework party with my friend Caitlin tonight and instead of doing what I was supposed to be doing. I drew this thing, which started out tangentially related to this hamburger clock I am programming, but ended up being something frightful.

As an aaaaaartist, sometimes your work is outside of your control and it's meaning is something even you cannot grasp ... I know...BARF. Anyway, what I think is happening is that the pickle is smoking something illicit. It must be cold because he is wearing a beanie. The hot dog just took a bite out of a corn dog and is horrified to learn that corn dogs are just hot dogs on a stick wrapped in a cornbread-ish substance. Which reminds me of this podcast I heard recently that claimed that certain members of the Donner Party towards the end had the choice between eating wild dogs or fresh corpses and chose the latter because they preferred the taste. Yeah, I am not going to confirm that fact. I am just going to blindly spread it.

As you can see. I really need to use my time more wisely. But if you are looking for comics that are smart, funny, sweet, and a little fucked up, you should check out Hecka Drawings. They are fantastic and more people know about it.

Emails from a Mort

2010-04-17T11:27:00.000-07:00

I love my dad. His name is Mort. He is like no other person. I am not being trite or hyperbolic. You really just need to meet him. He is fond of lots of things, like collecting Homies, writing books about what nomads like to wear, and finding the right pocket square to complement his cardigans. One of his favorite hobbies is emailing his friends and family pictures of things that he takes on his Blackberry. It is closest thing you can get to seeing into someone else's brain. Today I decided to blog all the pictures that he sends me today. He is remodeling his house and finding some weird shit, especially in my childhood bedroom. I will update through out the day.

subject: I miss you!
12:28pm

my response: "is that my comforter?"

subject: I still love her
12:31pm

My response: "come back to brooklyn and we can go say hi to her! "

subject: Raspberry-Peach
12:48pm

subject: Nari is Non-Toxic!
12:53pm

"Foywayd to Nari Al-Meleki (if she exists)."

If you really want an explanation for this....I will give it.

subject: Inhumane Punishment of Minors in the Republic of Saharestan
1:50pm

"this is how the dictatress Saharuchka Bajarchova punishes minors in her Central Asian republic.Where is Amnesty Mortennational? Human Rights Watch? The Green Diarrhea Movement?"

my response: "I love my Puppy Surprise!"

his response: "Why did u maltreat him? "

subject: Tea Party Mvmt at Saharestan
1:52pm

"Sahara..."

subject: "Orientalism" Propaganda at Saharestan
2:06pm

"Edward Said is turning in his grave--this is how the Schajarichovic kulturpropagandische is depicting Scheherzade..."

subject: Proof that Yasmine is Chinese!
2:36pm

subject: Will feel better now!
5:38pm

subject: IngenuiTEA
9:34pm

Terrible Ogre!

2010-04-07T11:08:00.000-07:00

Monday afternoon I was scanning some sketches and come across these things in the front of my sketchbook. I drew them last summer when I was in Portland. They are of my friend Rachel, who is very pretty in real life and I am very fond of her. For some reason, every drawing I made just got less and less flattering. SORRY! I asked her permission to share these with you and she was gracious and gave her blessing.

I drew this one in the Planned Parenthood. It seemed like a Portland thing to do... sketching while watching people get free condoms.

So I tried again. This time over iced lattes and croissants on Division st. She just looks sad...

To be fair, I was drunk on a very strong Bloody Mary when I drew this. Yeah.

Just to prove that she isn't a hideous beast. Here is a portrait I did of her in 2008.

Warm Blooded

2010-04-06T10:12:00.000-07:00

Here is the cover and some spreads from the soon to be New York Times bestseller Warm Blooded: Robert Pattinson and his furry friends.

Oh, RPattz

2010-03-21T20:52:00.000-07:00

I love it when my instructors let me do whatever I want.

Yeah, I am sort of becoming obesessed.

2010-03-15T10:34:00.000-07:00

So...it is spring break and it is rainy and it is boring, but all this free time has given me a lot of time to watch a bunch of Blur videos and I know that Damon Albarn gets all the attention, but I kinda love Graham a bit more.

The dino saga continues...

2010-02-22T11:12:00.000-08:00

I know all of you fans out there have been waiting with bated breath for the latest installment of "Sahar making a poster of a dinosaur eating some cats." So, we were asked to make a 3D version of our poster.

Step 1. Test your crazy ideas to see if they will even work.
so I wanted to take sort of the spirit of my dinosaur collage without making it too transparent. These were my initial "sketches."

Step 2. come up with different ideas because getting a chihuahua to model for you is really hard sometimes.
So I made this crazy collage thing with pins and foam core, but something was still off.

Step 3. polish polish polish.
Time to photoshop this mofo. Look what I did with the type! I really liked the one where I blurred the crap out if it, but no one else seemed to like it that much. Oh, well.

Final!!!!

Poster Process

2010-02-14T16:56:00.000-08:00

So in design school, the instructors who aren't terribly insufferable are always talking about the process you go through to get to something good or at least final. So I thought, why not share the process with the ten people who read this (Hi Becky!)? We have also been working on collages to make into music posters for the past few weeks.

Of all the initial collages I made, I decided to work further on was the dinosaur eating the kitties.

Then I realized that I need to add type. I decided on the band, Let's Wrestle because of their silly lyrics and their garage-y, teenage boy vibe.

I wasn't that into the type I drew and I thought that maybe it would be cool to add stuff! Yeah, adding stuff usually makes design better, right? Nope. It didn't. Though I like the idea of a dinosaur barfing or singing at kittens, unfortunately, the execution wasn't as awesome as the idea.

So...yeah, that was a failure. So, I thought about how I could play with space and the viewers expectation of what they are looking at. I also wanted to make it less sweet (I have a "problem" with being too sweet sometimes, not in life (I am a chronic scowler), but in design). This is what I ended up with. I changed the band because the tone of the poster changed from just being playful to being sort of sinister. Also the name MGMT is nice and four letters long, so much easier to make with cut paper.

I am happy with the results. What do you think?

During the time I was playing with the dinosaur posters. I decided to take one of my other posters that I liked and take the concept and go in three different directions.

What could be better than a mushroom dancing ballet? Could it be ...

A foppish dandy with an eggs benedict for a head? Or maybe....?

A piece of lasagna relaxing in a ultra-modern chair with matching ottoman? Sorry, I made these really fast and you can see that I tore one of the legs off and accidentally glued it elsewhere.

Maybe a beef patty dancing dramatically?

Collages

2010-02-01T09:43:00.000-08:00

This week in my Graphic Design 3 class, we are making collages that will eventually become music posters.

This is the one I am going with. If you can think of a band that would work with this image please share.

Here are the other ones.

my second fave

look how sad my USB is

2009-11-30T08:28:00.000-08:00

Sahar, I am so depressed. All you ever want me for is to link your laptop to your printer or external hard drive. You don't love me for me!

I agree with the guy who has been doing this for half a century.

2009-11-29T15:22:00.000-08:00

I see graphic design as the organization of information that is semantically correct, syntactically consistent and pragmatically understandable.
Massimo Vignelli

Comically depressed everyday objects

2009-11-09T19:25:00.000-08:00

Last Thursday, I was invited to my friends' Eric and Ryan's apartment to draw comics. Let me share them with you fine readers. You might notice a common thread throughout many of these: Chickens/Blobs/Horrifying Whales with Elephant Heads who hate themselves.
That poor snail!!!! By Ryan

who wants crazy taxidermy? By Amanda

A jaunty eggplant by Amanda

Eric's initial sketches.

A chicken with body issues. By Sahar

a very disturbed California Raisin by Rebecca

Art by Sahar, copy by Ryan

Raison d'etre by Rebecca

By Sahar. It was Eric's idea that the ghost would try, but fail to vomit into a bucket.

by Eric, I LOVE THIS SO MUCH. There is a SAD TEAR and a portrait of a razor blade. Could anything be more deliciously emo?

Also by Eric, I really want to get that whale thing tattooed but I promised myself I would never get a tattoo because I would get something stupid

A very lifelike portrait of Rebecca by Sahar

this made me really sad

image by Ryan, copy by Sahar

a true story by Amanda

image by Rebecca, copy by Ryan

By Ryan and his friend, Evan (I think)

by Eric. This one has a plot!

1999

2009-06-21T18:45:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking lately about how this decade only has about six months left. For some reason, the fact that 1999 was then years ago is sort of, to use a Buffy the Vampire Slayer term, wigging me out. I was 15 then. Wow. It feels sort of good that there's a good ten years between current Sahar and 15 year old Sahar.

The summer of 1999 was when I first read The Catcher in the Rye and To Kill a Mockingbird. I remember getting into a huge fight with my step-brother for ruining my Donna's CD. I remember swimming in a pool as it was being refilled with water. I went to an art camp where I impressed this counselor who looked a lot like Aladdin by knowing about things like Dadaism. I remember my bedroom getting infested with insects because I left out this summer sausage I was supposed to sell for some fund raiser. It was all and all a pretty shitty time.

I wanted to gather and share some things that came out in 1999 that I liked a lot at the time.

Coffee and TV by Blur. I think it still holds up.

For some reason, I was really obsessed with this Gap commercial.

I was especially into the guy with the ridiculous hair (he sings, "gonna dress you up in my love, in my love"), even though he would later be responsible for this. I made my mom buy me a pair of Gap flared corduroys for Christmas that year. In our house, since we've never done anything in a normal fashion, the "from" tags at Christmas were usually a silly joke. For the cords, she put "eyebrows" and I knew immediately what was inside the package because for months all I ever talked about was how mesmerizing his eyebrows were She accidentally bought the pants ten sizes too big. Oopsie!

1999 was also the year Rushmore came out. I saw it with my dad in the River Oaks Theater in Houston. We felt special because it was filmed in Houston, even though they never mentioned it.

Youtube is being dumb and not letting me embed this. It is my all time favorite music video.

And of course, how could I end a post about being 15 in 1999 without including some Fiona Apple.

Oh, Romance

2009-06-10T08:33:00.000-07:00

I got home last night I had two "boyfriends" in my inbox.

Hunk #1, from my dear sister, Yasmine.

This one is from Katie. It features our 27th president, William Howard Taft.

In other romance news, whenever I sent someone something on Facebook, an ad like this shows up:

Then when you are bored with your Iranian girl you purchased at a great price, you can go chat with your friends using this service:

Or if you love Jesus, get a hold of these people.

Sorry that none of these banners go anywhere.

A Tasty, Plushy Friend

2009-06-05T07:04:00.000-07:00

A week or so ago, I received an text from my dear friend Fawn saying she purchased me a gift. All she would tell me was that it involved the word, "pork." This of course intrigued me. What appeared in our mailbox surpassed anything I could have imagined.

Apparently, he is supposed to go like this. Pardon, my gross fingers. I had an ink accident yesterday.

The text on his lil' tag says, "Plush dumplings filled with love...and pork. It doesn't get any more delicious. Whether steamed or fried, these mini pot stickers are sure to warm your taste and your heart---not to mention your love of food-based stuffed things."

It's nice and rainy.

2009-06-04T18:19:00.000-07:00

Today was a good day.

Despite failing at drawing realistic boats (don't ask).
Despite spilling a bottle of water in my bag.
Despite the fact that I then spilled a bottle of ink in my bag.
Despite while cleaning the spill(s), I dropped my sketchbook in a puddle.

Because I got a really cute hair cut yesterday and I look like myself again!

Because my wonderful roommate killed the mouse that was roaming our apartment! (It wasn't afraid of people! It was duped by poison. ahhhahha).

Because I saw Adrian Tomine and Seth talk at the Strand and it was really inspiring and lovely.

Because it is summer! And instead of feeling stressed out and overwhelmed, I am eating lots of water melon and watching tons of Kids in the Hall.

New Gossip Cover

2009-05-14T09:27:00.001-07:00

I saw this on umm....ONTD. It is the cover of the upcoming album by the Gossip. I don't know why, but I just really love it.

oh, Pandora

2009-05-05T09:50:00.000-07:00

So this year, I decided to give pandora another chance. When it first came out years ago, I tried it and it was terrible. It would kick you off for being on it for too long and once, I had a Belle & Sebastian station and it played this, which is actually my least favorite song in the world.

It still has problems, but it is soooo much better (even if it tried to place the Beatles in my twee station. But check this shit out:

Yeah, Pandora. That is not the right cover art.

something troubling me

2009-05-03T09:59:00.000-07:00

In my typography class, we were each assigned a typeface and instructed to make a huge as poster (I am actually "working" on my poster for Gil Sans right now). One of my classmates got the typeface gridnik, which was designed by this Dutchman, Wim Crouwel. The poster had this amazing quote that I can't get out of my head, "I am functionalist troubled by aesthetics." That feeling pretty much summed up how I feel about lots of things, especially design. Of course, it was a Dutchman, who expressed the senitment the best.

World's Largest Ipod

2009-04-08T18:22:00.000-07:00

Via Studio 360.

David Byrne

2009-04-01T08:18:00.000-07:00

My own ambition is to write a song that sounds like I stole it---like 'I' didn't write it, but it has always been there. To get the 'I' out of the song is the ultimate compositional coup, whether in music or design. Having a non style is more slippery amusing and surprising to one nice recognizable look. It's a way of staying half-awake, or noticing things, enjoying things and learning to love things---especially the vernacular and banal things that have been relegated to the garbage heap of design.

From Tibor Kalman: Perverse Optimist, 1998

Books Typeface

2009-03-19T16:39:00.000-07:00

So, I guess after the tampon typeface, this one will be a little less exciting. It took a lot more work, obvs. And I think it's really pretty.

Again if you want a closer view, just click the image.

Tampon Typeface

2009-03-19T14:17:00.000-07:00

So a few weeks ago in my type class we were assigned to make a typeface out of "found" objects. I made two. This one, out of tampons, and another one out of stacked up books (which I will upload later).

Click for a bigger view.

Fun with Spot Color

2009-03-10T13:48:00.000-07:00

I had too much fun with spot color and opacity in InDesign today.

Final Poster

2009-03-02T18:46:00.001-08:00

I am dumb and I didn't put up my personal poster when I finished it, which was, like, a week and a half ago. I am pretty pleased with how it turned out.

The idiot at the copy shop keep messing up, so I ended up with a lot of extra prints. I had a blank wall yesterday, I don't have one today.

Snow Daze

2009-03-02T18:24:00.000-08:00

So, today, the East Coast fell victim to a substantial snow fall. So much snow in fact that school was canceled, which I guess means that today was my first ever snow day.

Becca (the roomie) also got off work. So we decided to eat snacks and watch Wayne's World and Wayne's World Two, both of which are fine films.

This soda, called Champagne Cola, tasted like a combination of cream soda and bubblegum. The whole thing only cost 99 cents.

Becca investigating.

And not being too impressed with the results.

Also, check out this hilarious snack, Munchies. It, indeed, is a good cheese fix.

After a couple of hot toddies, I fell asleep. It was nice, but lazy days just mean I have to work twice as hard tomorrow. But I'm not going to think about that now.

2009-03-01T08:53:00.000-08:00

I usually hate shit like flash mobs and Improv Everywhere. It epitomizes the most annoying thing about bad theater: It is more about the performer than the audience and it takes up more time, than say a bad painting or something. Also, I think that audiences should have the right to consent to viewing a performance. It shouldn't just happen to you; you should be asked first.

Anyway, I obviously think about this stuff too much. But all that said. I love this video by Beirut, even if it just happening on the street.

2009-02-15T07:46:00.001-08:00

My valentine to myself.

The Second Draft

2009-02-12T12:19:00.000-08:00

So, last week I shared the first draft of my self-poster. This is my second draft. After I get critiqued tonight, I will start my final draft, which I will share with y'all next week.

This is the whole thing:

And here are some details:

Self Poster, the rough draft

2009-02-05T12:47:00.000-08:00

Some people (*cough Becky*) expressed some interest in seeing some stuff I am working on at Parsons. For my Process and Design class, we are making posters of ourselves. We aren't allowed to use computers. It has to be pretty lo-fi. If we use any type (do I sound like a designer yet?), it has to be found. The pictures we took of ourselves had to be taken at a photobooth. Then we photocopy and enlarge as much as we want.

This is a very rough draft! I will improve in the coming weeks. I swear.

This was the process:

I got my type from the boarding pass from my flight to New York.

The finished draft:

Yeah, it needs some work, but I think I am going to have working on it.

proof I need to go grocery shopping

2009-02-05T12:37:00.000-08:00

So, I am already in full school mode, which means that I have a hard time doing normal everyday activities, like doing laundry and buying groceries. One of the wonderful things about living in New York is that you can pay someone to do your laundry and one of the wonderful things about living in an un-gentrified part of Brooklyn is that paying someone to do your laundry is cheap! Of course, there is the danger of losing your pants on the street, where they will fall victim to snowfall, being walked upon, peed on, etc .

But the food thing is still proving to be a problem. I don't know what my problem is. I live really close to lots of grocery stores. This was my breakfast this morning:

That would be a bowl of canned black beans. I don't think even an Englishman would consider this an okay breakfast.

Also, check out my celery. It's so comical!

How I Probably Sound to Other People

2009-02-04T07:57:00.000-08:00

I love you, Stephen Fry.

Dutch Discarded Bananas

2009-02-01T17:34:00.000-08:00

A year ago, I was in the Netherlands hanging out with my mom for a couple of months and avoiding becoming a valuable member of society. I spent most of my days going to museums and wandering around different cities and taking pictures of whatever I found interesting. Because I am Sahar, the things I found most intriguing were "garbage," "trash," "refuse."

Exhibit A: A Gigantic Pile of Trash Floating In a Canal in Rotterdam.

You get the idea. It goes without saying that Oscar the Grouch was my favorite on Sesame Street.

I noticed a trend among these overly civilized Western Europeans. They liked to litter. More specifically, they like to discard their banana peels willy nilly. I tried to document this phenomenon. Unfortunately, for me and for those suffering from schadenfreude, I didn't see anyone slip on any loose peels.

Would you find any of this appealing?

On a bus to Zandvoort.

On a doorstep in the Hague.

This was actually inside the Gemeente Museum (a world renowned art museum) in the Hague.

Some one in this train to Amsterdam put this in the trash. How quaint.

On the beautiful brick streets of Leiden.

I am not too sure where this picture was taken, but there is something vuglar about the way it is just open and splayed for everyone to gawk at.

Color theory and color reality.

2009-02-01T17:12:00.000-08:00

So, a lot has changed in the month that's past since my last entry. I moved to New York City and I have been at Parsons the New School For Design for one week. I am going to have to do a Reed College amount of work. What comes ahead is both daunting and exciting.

Today I finished my color wheel for Color Theory. We are going to be graded on precision. Unfortunately, I have the motor skills of a cat. I hope that the instructor will have mercy on me.

I swear I have a system going on here.

The finished wheel.

Even if I am failing at making color wheels, I am seeing pretty color all over.

I've started wearing tights under my leggings. I only have on pair of "real" pants without a hole in them somewhere and it is far too cold here to wear holey jeans. I like making crazy color combination, if I am the only one that gets to see them.

My breakfast the other day was down right comely.

Becca (my new roomie) and I have decided to redecorate.

We just need some more frames and some nails.

Texas Treasures

2008-12-29T18:55:00.000-08:00

I was in Texas last week visiting my family. As usual, there were many sights and treasures to behold! First up, some old friends.

A bear bride, a cow my great grandmother made, Woody the Teddy Bear, a bunny with glasses, a bunny princess, and a lioness.

This walrus looks like a buffalo when you look at it upside down.

Molly and some porcelain comrades.

Scott Weaver.

Now for some new-ish friends!

These are some of my dad's mannequins. Yes, he has other mannequins. In fact, he just bought one yesterday, although I don't believe it is a mannequin as much as it is one of those girl-sized Barbies dolls with most of its hair cut off. He found it in a dumpster yesterday. Anyway, the lady-mannequin on the right is dressed in an old school tribal dress that someone we're related to used to wear to traditional tribal weddings in the middle of the last century. It has lots of parts and looks really cool when someone is wearing it and spinning around. The wee guy on the right is...let's take a closer look:

Apparently, back in the day, some Iranian children wore these. This one is really old and not my dad's because he still claims he is 33 years old.

Now for someone we are glad isn't around anymore: Sarah Palin (barffff). So for some reason, this not-spell checked letter came to my dad's house.

Notice anything? Hmmm...let's look closer...

The first word is spelled wrong. Also, why is she even mentioning that she wrote it on Wednesday morning. How is that relevant information? Maybe I am being too elite by just asking that question.

Paper gets heavy.

2008-12-14T14:07:00.001-08:00

So I have been going through all my crap for my big move and I have this silly habit of saving everything I find remotely amusing. I've thrown out a lot already (*sniff*). Here are some morsels (click on them for a bigger view):

This is this from some Spanish conversation hour assignment from my senior year at Reed. When I get stressed, I get silly. We were given a Spanish speaking country and expected to make a hand out and talk about it. I got Cuba and had some fun pushing the limits of what MS Word has in terms of desktop publishing.

Translations from the top, counterclockwise: Castro, Hello! I do not age!, The American bourgeoisie enjoy the music of Cuba, The United States gave a great welcome to Elian Gonzolez, and a banana.

Now I will share with you, some children's books my father brought for me during his last trip to Iran. They are all about this folk hero/antagonist/whatever named Mullah Nasruddin. I left my dad's post-its on them because his handwriting is more aesthetically pleasing than the illustrations.

This one is called, Mullah Nasruddin and the Hubris.

Mulla Nasruddin and the Policeman.

Mullah Nasruddin and the Jew.

and of course (drum roll please...).

The Donkey Who Got Married.

This is a picture that Justin drew for me. During the summer of 2007, I bought myself a set of Prismacolor markers in different shades of gray. I was super excited about them. My friends made fun of me, until they used them. This is a portrait of a boyfriend Justin made up for me.

This is a letter I started writing who knows when. I didn't finish it. I didn't even bother to write down who it was for.

This is a picture I saved of Elijah Wood. He is a dream boat.

And lastly, I will share with you a card I got for graduation from my mom and Tom.

I think every blog post on the internet should end with with a picture of a stupid looking cat!

Letting go of my treasures

2008-12-11T16:48:00.000-08:00

So, I am moving across the country soon and I am getting rid of like 70% of my stuff. For example, here is a pile of books. Let me give you some context. This is my pile of give-away books after my friend Rachel took two paper grocery bags full of books home with her.

And since I am a girl, I have a lot of shoes and there are several pairs from my past that are worn out/loved too much and that I have finally decided to give away/toss.

These I got in East Berlin the summer of 2005. It was a critical time in my young adulthood (I am laughing at myself as I type this). I was about to move from Portland to Seattle for a year to gain some perspective on things. I wore them almost everyday. They are my favorite type of sneaker, which is apparently not en vogue anymore: slim and economical. Now all the cool sneakers are bulky.

I got these over winter break my freshman year at Reed. They were always a little too big because the store didn't have my size (the curse of having child-sized feet). I think I like them because Becky liked them so much, but she likes anything with the combination of green and orange.

I got these Vans the summer of 2003, when I decided just to hang out in New York for six weeks instead of going back to Texas, where the only thing I had to entertain myself was watching Degrassi reruns on the N. These are the classic kind of sneaker that looks better as it gets dirtier and starts falling apart and starts to feel like you are wearing a pair of comfortable socks.

When I lived in Seattle, I lived really close to this awesome Value Village. I used to go there every week to buy old lady dresses and canvas shoes for $2 a pair. These were my best find. They right shape and the right color at the right time. Unfortunately, they fell apart.