I told myself that I have to stop blogging about puppy dogs, but it has recently come to my attention that not everyone thinks Coco and Squirt are cute. This issue must be addressed. Let me refresh your memory. This is what Coco and Squirt look like:
Coco is lounging inside of a neck pillow.
Can Squirt's tongue be any pinker? Jesus Christ!
OMG! They are soooooo cute! LOOK AT THEM. SQUEEE!
Okay, let me pull myself together.
I really could not fathom it even being a possibility that someone would not love Squirt and Coco the wayI love them. I was naive enough to think that even people who have described Coco as being, "part ferret, part dung beetle" really love them in their deepest hearts. This was until, over a course of an hour or so, my dear friend explained to me in great detail why he does not like Coco. I finally got the message.
Some of his reasons were:
1) She is too small.
2) She has lost most of her hair due to being inbred.
3) She cannot exist in nature.
4) Her eyes protrude from her head.
5) She is usually wearing a sweater.
I thought this was just this guy and that he just had no heart, but sadly, other people have come forward and admitted to me that they don't really think these little guys are that cute, despite all the unconditional love and snuggles they offer. This was further solidified in my mind, when I forward the following picture to a friend.
Instead of saying, "OMG! He is soooooo cute! LOOK AT HIM. SQUEEE!" The response I got was, "ew."
What I want to do now is unpack exactly why Derek — yes, the Chihuahua shown here is named Derek— is cute. Here we go:
1) His name is Derek.
2) His head to body ratio.
3) His ear to head ratio.
4) His leg to body ratio (How does he support himself with such little legs!?)
5) The size of his body in relation to the pavement stones.
6) The "Hey what's up? I am just taking a walk all nonchalantly even though I am an adorable chihuahua" expression on his face.
7) He lives in the Netherlands. It shows strength of character for a chihuahua to live in such a northern climate.
Some people just hate small dogs for ideological reasons. But before you large dog-fascists write my little friends off, ask yourself the following questions:
Can a gigantic dog lie comfortably on your tummy while you read a book?
Can you just grab a gigantic dog and force him to snuggle with you when you are feeling hormonal while watching a documentary on Netflix streaming about adopting Chinese orphans?
Can a gigantic dog fall asleep on your shoulder? And would it be comfortable enough for you to join in and nap yourself?
I get that people have differing tastes, but if you don't think this picture of my friend's pug, Zoey is wondrous, you basically don't have a heart.