new blog!

Due to the "popularity" of my emails from Mort entries, I have started a new blog, emailsfrommort.com. Check it out, friends!

Another Mort Picture Extravaganza

About a month ago, I blogged all the pictures that Mort (my dad) sent me from his Blackberry over the course one day. Everyone seemed to like it, especially Mort, who loves attention. The deal is the same as last time: I will post the pictures as I get them with all his original commentary, "Mortentary," if you will.

Subject: Mort Stangling the Dragon
12:29pm



Subject: How to Practice "An Apple a Day" Stylishly
12:32pm



BONUS! Pictures from yesterday!
Subject: Planned Parenthood Intact
1:42pm



Subject: Planned Parenthood Cracked
1: 44pm




Subject: Geological Survey of Planned Parenthood
1:46pm



Yassi (my sister): is that a cookie? and what does a pyramid of beer cases have to do with planned parenthood.... well i guess there is some correlation.


Subject: RE survey results of Planned Parenthood---da Beet Connextion
2:13 pm
from: Mort

I guess the following happens:
-lots of beer taken from the pyramid pile.
-inebriation and loss of many faculties
-silly laughter and primate-like screams
-unprotected sex mixed with amnesia
-insamination and pregnancy
-"planned parenthood" discussion
-termination of pregnancy
-guilt
-joining an Evangelically-based "Pro-Life" group
-listening to lots of AM radio
-hating immigrants because they might fuck white women!

Emails from a Mort

I love my dad. His name is Mort. He is like no other person. I am not being trite or hyperbolic. You really just need to meet him. He is fond of lots of things, like collecting Homies, writing books about what nomads like to wear, and finding the right pocket square to complement his cardigans. One of his favorite hobbies is emailing his friends and family pictures of things that he takes on his Blackberry. It is closest thing you can get to seeing into someone else's brain. Today I decided to blog all the pictures that he sends me today. He is remodeling his house and finding some weird shit, especially in my childhood bedroom. I will update through out the day.


subject: I miss you!
12:28pm


my response: "is that my comforter?"

subject: I still love her
12:31pm



My response: "come back to brooklyn and we can go say hi to her! "


subject: Raspberry-Peach
12:48pm



subject: Nari is Non-Toxic!
12:53pm


"Foywayd to Nari Al-Meleki (if she exists)."

If you really want an explanation for this....I will give it.


subject: Inhumane Punishment of Minors in the Republic of Saharestan
1:50pm


"this is how the dictatress Saharuchka Bajarchova punishes minors in her Central Asian republic.Where is Amnesty Mortennational? Human Rights Watch? The Green Diarrhea Movement?"

my response: "I love my Puppy Surprise!"

his response: "Why did u maltreat him? "

subject: Tea Party Mvmt at Saharestan
1:52pm

"Sahara..."

subject: "Orientalism" Propaganda at Saharestan
2:06pm


"Edward Said is turning in his grave--this is how the Schajarichovic kulturpropagandische is depicting Scheherzade..."


subject: Proof that Yasmine is Chinese!
2:36pm



subject: Will feel better now!
5:38pm




subject: IngenuiTEA
9:34pm