In summary: I own too many clothes.

I am packing because I am flying out to Portland really early tomorrow morning. I am having a hard time because I hate almost all my shirts. There is just dumb stuff on all of them (pandas, doner kabobs, etc).


panda body, ugly flowers, I am not sure what that is, doner kebab.


It led me to realize that my tastes in clothes is starting to become slightly more conservative (this is relative). I wear black tights now instead of hot pink ones and I've now all, but abandoned my poly-chromatic Aasics, the ones I picked out because they had the most colors, for a pair of black leather Campers.



This could be happening for several reasons. The two most obvious would be:



1) I live in New York City now.

Everyone is sooooooo sophisticated, wearing all black turtlenecks, smoking cigarettes, talking about art. When I lived in Portland, my crazy vintage dresses were not only tolerated. but expected. Once in college, by accident I wore mostly black and several different people asked me if anyone in my family had died.






This is actually completely inaccurate. I live in Williamsburg and I could walk down the street wearing these dresses and a paper bag with a cartoon clown face painted on it and no one would bat an eye. People here look crazy. All mustachioed, wearing green pleated shorts with red bow ties. I saw some dude on the L train the other day wearing wrist warmers bedazzled with crystals. He was totally awesome.




2) I am getting older. GRAY HAIRS! LIVER SPOTS! AARP!

A few months ago my friend Lindsay told me about how she read some article she read about how you really start to feel like an adult around 26. I have no idea if that is a "scientific" fact, but I have an urge to stop acting a fool like I used to. The most obvious area this is showing itself is in the clothes I want to wear. I knew this was happening when I was at a store and I had to decide between two dresses and I chose the more more flattering instead of the more hilarious one.



It is still going to be a while before I start exclusively wearing pants suits from Banana Republic. Here is a pile of garments I might bring with me. If there is room in my suitcase, they are all coming.


All purchased in New York City.

Another Mort Picture Extravaganza

About a month ago, I blogged all the pictures that Mort (my dad) sent me from his Blackberry over the course one day. Everyone seemed to like it, especially Mort, who loves attention. The deal is the same as last time: I will post the pictures as I get them with all his original commentary, "Mortentary," if you will.

Subject: Mort Stangling the Dragon
12:29pm



Subject: How to Practice "An Apple a Day" Stylishly
12:32pm



BONUS! Pictures from yesterday!
Subject: Planned Parenthood Intact
1:42pm



Subject: Planned Parenthood Cracked
1: 44pm




Subject: Geological Survey of Planned Parenthood
1:46pm



Yassi (my sister): is that a cookie? and what does a pyramid of beer cases have to do with planned parenthood.... well i guess there is some correlation.


Subject: RE survey results of Planned Parenthood---da Beet Connextion
2:13 pm
from: Mort

I guess the following happens:
-lots of beer taken from the pyramid pile.
-inebriation and loss of many faculties
-silly laughter and primate-like screams
-unprotected sex mixed with amnesia
-insamination and pregnancy
-"planned parenthood" discussion
-termination of pregnancy
-guilt
-joining an Evangelically-based "Pro-Life" group
-listening to lots of AM radio
-hating immigrants because they might fuck white women!

Wonderful Things Come in Small Packages

You'd have to be dead inside not to smile when you see a miniature version of something. For some reason or another, for the past year or so my dad and to a less extent my roommate, Catherine, have been giving me miniature things. We have been arranging them on the mantle like some sort of makeshift altar to the lilliputian (one of my dad's favorite words. He uses it several times a day).


A trumpet pin


German-English Dictionaries


Dice


Briefcase, closed


Briefcase, opened

Miniature Dogs
Now what perchance could be lounging under that down comforter?

Could it be Coco, the world's greatest chihuahua? She belongs to Catherine, but she hangs out with me all day while I do my exciting design work, like kerning.


Yes! There you are!


CLOSE UP!

I seriously do not know how someone could see Coco and not believe in evolution. Her kind was not in the Garden of Eden. I am sure if they had been, it would have been mentioned in Genesis. It would have gotten it's own chapter and everything.

Tiny Food
Food is also more delicious when it is small. Example: tea sandwiches, mini-bagel dogs, and baby corn.


Croissant from Bakeri. This place is so cute, it is almost overwhelming. They make their own butter and serve tea in bowls. They have the most spherical, rotund, surly baker with dark curly out-of-control mutton chops. It worth the trip just to spend a little while watching him do his thing.


They sell these at Trader Joes.

Chihuahua Scale.

cracked out junk food.

I was having a homework party with my friend Caitlin tonight and instead of doing what I was supposed to be doing. I drew this thing, which started out tangentially related to this hamburger clock I am programming, but ended up being something frightful.



As an aaaaaartist, sometimes your work is outside of your control and it's meaning is something even you cannot grasp ... I know...BARF. Anyway, what I think is happening is that the pickle is smoking something illicit. It must be cold because he is wearing a beanie. The hot dog just took a bite out of a corn dog and is horrified to learn that corn dogs are just hot dogs on a stick wrapped in a cornbread-ish substance. Which reminds me of this podcast I heard recently that claimed that certain members of the Donner Party towards the end had the choice between eating wild dogs or fresh corpses and chose the latter because they preferred the taste. Yeah, I am not going to confirm that fact. I am just going to blindly spread it.

As you can see. I really need to use my time more wisely. But if you are looking for comics that are smart, funny, sweet, and a little fucked up, you should check out Hecka Drawings. They are fantastic and more people know about it.

Emails from a Mort

I love my dad. His name is Mort. He is like no other person. I am not being trite or hyperbolic. You really just need to meet him. He is fond of lots of things, like collecting Homies, writing books about what nomads like to wear, and finding the right pocket square to complement his cardigans. One of his favorite hobbies is emailing his friends and family pictures of things that he takes on his Blackberry. It is closest thing you can get to seeing into someone else's brain. Today I decided to blog all the pictures that he sends me today. He is remodeling his house and finding some weird shit, especially in my childhood bedroom. I will update through out the day.


subject: I miss you!
12:28pm


my response: "is that my comforter?"

subject: I still love her
12:31pm



My response: "come back to brooklyn and we can go say hi to her! "


subject: Raspberry-Peach
12:48pm



subject: Nari is Non-Toxic!
12:53pm


"Foywayd to Nari Al-Meleki (if she exists)."

If you really want an explanation for this....I will give it.


subject: Inhumane Punishment of Minors in the Republic of Saharestan
1:50pm


"this is how the dictatress Saharuchka Bajarchova punishes minors in her Central Asian republic.Where is Amnesty Mortennational? Human Rights Watch? The Green Diarrhea Movement?"

my response: "I love my Puppy Surprise!"

his response: "Why did u maltreat him? "

subject: Tea Party Mvmt at Saharestan
1:52pm

"Sahara..."

subject: "Orientalism" Propaganda at Saharestan
2:06pm


"Edward Said is turning in his grave--this is how the Schajarichovic kulturpropagandische is depicting Scheherzade..."


subject: Proof that Yasmine is Chinese!
2:36pm



subject: Will feel better now!
5:38pm




subject: IngenuiTEA
9:34pm

Terrible Ogre!

Monday afternoon I was scanning some sketches and come across these things in the front of my sketchbook. I drew them last summer when I was in Portland. They are of my friend Rachel, who is very pretty in real life and I am very fond of her. For some reason, every drawing I made just got less and less flattering. SORRY! I asked her permission to share these with you and she was gracious and gave her blessing.

I drew this one in the Planned Parenthood. It seemed like a Portland thing to do... sketching while watching people get free condoms.



So I tried again. This time over iced lattes and croissants on Division st. She just looks sad...


To be fair, I was drunk on a very strong Bloody Mary when I drew this. Yeah.



Just to prove that she isn't a hideous beast. Here is a portrait I did of her in 2008.

Warm Blooded

Here is the cover and some spreads from the soon to be New York Times bestseller Warm Blooded: Robert Pattinson and his furry friends.