Counting Sheep.

My mom is an active member of the Amsterdam chapter of the Hash House Harriers, a world-wide group of drinkers with a running problem. They are putting together a bike race thing in Texel. They are famous for their sheep. So my mom asked me if I would design something for them to put on a t-shirt.

This was my process.



This was a very sophisticated sketch I made of what I wanted the sheep to be doing.

Then I brought into Adobe Illustrator and made this guy:



But I had forgotten to give him ears. Whoops. So I kept working.



I also added type and a windmill. Still he wasn't edgy enough.



He wasn't Dutch enough, so I added some orange clogs.



Then, I showed it to Mort, my dad. And of course he thought he wasn't getting enough attention as usual and requested his own sheep. Mort is not a very outdoorsy guy, so I changed his sheep around to fit his interests. His sheep is enjoying a Campari with soda while lounging on an Eames chair.



Edit: Mort wanted me to show some photos of his belongings to further explain his mid-century modern sheep.



Canes



Campari and other questionable liquors.



Research about sheep.

Must Love (Small) Dogs.

I told myself that I have to stop blogging about puppy dogs, but it has recently come to my attention that not everyone thinks Coco and Squirt are cute. This issue must be addressed. Let me refresh your memory. This is what Coco and Squirt look like:


Coco is lounging inside of a neck pillow.


Can Squirt's tongue be any pinker? Jesus Christ!

OMG! They are soooooo cute! LOOK AT THEM. SQUEEE!

Okay, let me pull myself together.

I really could not fathom it even being a possibility that someone would not love Squirt and Coco the wayI love them. I was naive enough to think that even people who have described Coco as being, "part ferret, part dung beetle" really love them in their deepest hearts. This was until, over a course of an hour or so, my dear friend explained to me in great detail why he does not like Coco. I finally got the message.

Some of his reasons were:

1) She is too small.
2) She has lost most of her hair due to being inbred.
3) She cannot exist in nature.
4) Her eyes protrude from her head.
5) She is usually wearing a sweater.

I thought this was just this guy and that he just had no heart, but sadly, other people have come forward and admitted to me that they don't really think these little guys are that cute, despite all the unconditional love and snuggles they offer. This was further solidified in my mind, when I forward the following picture to a friend.



Instead of saying, "OMG! He is soooooo cute! LOOK AT HIM. SQUEEE!" The response I got was, "ew."

What I want to do now is unpack exactly why Derek — yes, the Chihuahua shown here is named Derek— is cute. Here we go:

1) His name is Derek.
2) His head to body ratio.
3) His ear to head ratio.
4) His leg to body ratio (How does he support himself with such little legs!?)
5) The size of his body in relation to the pavement stones.
6) The "Hey what's up? I am just taking a walk all nonchalantly even though I am an adorable chihuahua" expression on his face.
7) He lives in the Netherlands. It shows strength of character for a chihuahua to live in such a northern climate.

Some people just hate small dogs for ideological reasons. But before you large dog-fascists write my little friends off, ask yourself the following questions:

Can a gigantic dog lie comfortably on your tummy while you read a book?

Can you just grab a gigantic dog and force him to snuggle with you when you are feeling hormonal while watching a documentary on Netflix streaming about adopting Chinese orphans?

Can a gigantic dog fall asleep on your shoulder? And would it be comfortable enough for you to join in and nap yourself?

I get that people have differing tastes, but if you don't think this picture of my friend's pug, Zoey is wondrous, you basically don't have a heart.

Grandmas! Love! Muffins!

Everyone likes grandmas right? They are cute and old and non-threatening. Oftentimes they bake their grandchildren yummy things. Davida, who is also responsible for this blog and this one, has started a new one where people submit beloved grandmother recipes. The latest entry was written by yours truly. Read it! Also admire the banner, it was created by a beautiful genius.

I Often Have a Hard Time Understanding Things.

Everyone has those dumb things they think are true that aren't actually true. And I don't mean subjective stuff like if the band Everclear is cool or not (I used to think they were cool when I was 13-17 and I was wrong. ). Or if it is the West's job to spread democracy in the Middle East or not. I mean things that are objectively true. For example, for a long time, my friend Rebecca thought it was possible to drive to Cuba from the United States. That is not true. No matter what your opinion is on the subject.

Rednecks: Not Recognized by the Census Bureau as an Ethnic Group.



When I was a little girl, for some reason I got the idea in my head that the term redneck was a derogatory term for a Native American. I think it might have some sort of conflation involving red skin, which is racist or at the very least racist-lite.

One day, I heard my father refer to one of his employee's husbands as a "huge redneck." I felt so disappointed. I thought, "Oh, no! I guess my dad is a racist!" and I slumped my head in shame. I eventually realized that redneck refers to white people (mostly) and it is okay to make fun of white people because they already are in charge of everything and therefore, are uncool by nature. Now I feel sort of uncomfortable using the term redneck because it seems classist. I am old and fancy enough to feel white guilt about white people. We might actually live post-racial America after all.

Apples and Oranges: One Fruit Is Superior to the Other



I have a really hard time with idioms despite being a native English speaker. I am very literal, which is a problem when dealing with culturally based phrases. I don't know why Marie Antoinette would want people to eat cake (or brioche or whatever). Kettles aren't black anymore and neither are most pots. And if you are rich enough to live in a glass house, you probably have good insurance, so go ahead and throw those rocks.

The one that was the worst for me was "It's like comparing apples to oranges." I literally had no idea what it even meant for years. My problem was that I just prefer oranges to apples. I could not imagine a universe where they'd be considered equal in value, yet incomparable. Given the choice between an apple and orange, I'll always choose the orange. Oranges are just better!

The Most Embarrassing: Lil' Kim.



Sigh. This went on until about a year ago and one of the most embarrassing things about me. Stupid Kim-Jong-il causes so many problems. Not just for his fellow country people and his southern neighbors, but for me. For years and years, I would hear about Kim Jong-il on TV and the radio, but I would always read about a very similar man named Kim Jong, the second. Orthography failed me. I was reading, Kim-Jong, the second because Il in too many typefaces looks like II. It also didn't help, that his dad or son or whatever (I really need to read the newspaper more often) is called Kim-Jong Un. In the rock tumbler that is my head, it just reinforced my idea that Kim-Jong was indeed the second Kim-Jong because "Un" has to be the first. Yes, I have a degree in linguistics and yes, for some reason, I thought that Korea would use an Romantic numeral to mark father and son. I feel so ashamed for me.

Buck Up, Pal.

My friend got her heart broken once. And then, soon after, she got it broken again, which was dumb on the heartbreaker's part. When this initially happened, I made her a crying mix. This time, I thought I should send her something to make her smile. I decided to make her a very specific kind of care package with stuff I know that she likes and has a significance to our friendship.

I made her a book to complement her first mix.


I had to print it on my beautiful Epson Stylus 1400, also known as my baby.


Then I had to to cut all the pieces out. I even went crazy and used a new blade, so I wouldn't injure myself!


It made some pretty interesting trash.


Then I put it together.




Some images require some explanation, but I think it would be boring except for me and Marianna.


Some images should be enjoyed universally. What is more lovely than a crazy hamster or a baby pug?















Ugly Plaid Shirt

Marianna was wearing ugly plaid before it was cool and will continue to wear it until the day she croaks. Therefore, I knew that an ugly plaid shirt was required.




Even the label was perfect.


When I bought it, the shoulder pads were pre-removed! What a great deal!

Whitman's Sampler.
Do I really need to explain this? I just hope she eats the whole thing in one sitting.

Pen Pals

One of my New Years resolutions is to start a pen pal exchange project.

The impetus of this is coming from two sources:

1) I spend too much time on my computer. Yes, I realize that I am writing about this on one of my three blogs. I need to not lose all use of my motor skills. My handwriting is getting worse. I used to to draw or paint everyday, and now I only do that once a month. Even when I draw, it's often using a stylus and Adobe Illustrator or Brushes on my iPad. There is something uniquely pleasurable about creating something with your hands that exists in real space.

2) As, I've mentioned several times on this blog, my friend Eric moved to the woods to do his thing this fall. He has since left and now is doing his thing in civilization. While he was there, the only way to communicate with him was through the mail. And while, I have a really hard time romanticizing secluding yourself (Eric didn't even know how the guy who invented Segways died!) or enjoying nature (ew), I thought this was a cool idea. I'll probably keep his letters for a long time (or at least until I move again (j/k)), but I am pretty sure I would have deleted the last email I got from him except that it prominently featured a chihuahua wearing a shirt.

The Rules!

1) I want to get as many people as possible involved because it will be more fun that way.

2) You can't write someone you know, either in real life or the internet. I want to cast a wide net. I am looking for a group of people of different ages, nationalities, and interests. I don't want it to just be a bunch of 20-somethings writing in Brooklyn writing a bunch of 20-somethings in Portland.

3) The letters must be handwritten or at least created using some sort of analogue tool. If you want to use a typewriter or screen print or cross stitch it, that's great. Use whatever you like, as long as you don’t use an electronic devise.

If you are interested please email me: saharloo at gmail with your address. I will gather everyone who is interested and pair them up.

Photoshopping Puppy Heads!

As I mentioned in earlier entries, I enjoy making my loved ones elaborate cards and things. And it is no secret that I love puppy dogs, especially their heads.

Squirt!

This card was for Mike, one of my roomies. He is Squirt's dad.


Click to enlarge.

Squirt is a very spirited Shih Tzu. He has doggie version of PICA syndrome and has chewed or completely consumed too many of foreign objects: a set of color pencils, Mike's razor, a dollar, a few paper towels, a pair of socks, a pair of tweezers, the list goes on. He has recently been breaking into my room in hopes that I will drop some popcorn on the floor again. Squirt woke me up before my alarm this morning in fact by barging in and Mike came in chasing him. You can't hit snooze on a moment like that.

It took Mike almost a day to realize that Squirt heads were spelling out his name.

Coco!

This was made for one of my other roommates, Catherine. She is Coco's owner. I don't think I need to explain Coco to the regular readers of this blog.



This pictures speaks for itself.